


Clue, the Travesty

by taishige



Category: Kanjani8 (Band), TOKIO
Genre: Alternate Universe, Clue: The Movie, Death and Madness, F/M, Gen, Insanity, M/M, Nagase wants to get in everyone's pants, Parody, Rampant Language, Taichi is literally a pimp, What is even going on?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:45:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taishige/pseuds/taishige
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murder, madness, mystery, and mayhem. More fun than you can imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clue, the Travesty

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [](http://hatenaimirai-e.livejournal.com/profile)[**hatenaimirai_e**](http://hatenaimirai-e.livejournal.com/) for [](http://help-japan.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://help-japan.livejournal.com/)**help_japan**. I'm dreadfully sorry for the lateness - I got a good portion of it done and then my motivation for writing apparently tanked. But it's done now! And I really hope you enjoy it. The last thing I wanted to do was half-ass it, which is the reason why it turned out about 3 times as long as I had originally planned, and I wanted to keep it as true to the movie as possible while also giving it my own spins and twists with the characters (mainly in the form of inappropriateness). This also marks the first time I've ever written Eito. XD;;

It was a delightfully stormy night the night Matsuoka pulled his car up the well-worn road from town. Not yet raining, but certainly appearing that it would soon, if only for the rumbles of thunder in the distance and the occasional lightning flash overtaking the sky. He wanted to make it before the downpour he knew to be coming finally arrived, not keen on getting the dapper lapels of his suit soaked in the rain. And my, he certainly was feeling rather dapper that night, if not slightly nervous at the same time. A large stone was sitting in the pit of his stomach even as he exited the car to unlock the gate now blocking his way. The gate he'd unlocked so many times before, which would be followed by the drive-way he'd ascended so many times before, which would of course go without saying that it led to a house he'd visited many times before.

A house which even now was lit up in the sky by a flash of lightning overhead.

Matsuoka's eyes narrowed keenly before he situated himself back in his car, fingers dancing along the wheel. He chewed on his lip as he pulled the car back into drive and slowly drove his way up to the house proper.

The house itself reeked of New England charm. Except that the charm seemed more apt to welcoming Satan to the house than any sort of person. Fortunately for Matsuoka, he liked to consider himself a little bit of both.

Upon parking the car, he collected his bag from the passenger seat and made his way up to the door of the house. He sniffed once. It smelled like rain. He'd made it just in time. He sniffed again. It smelled like wet dog. He looked down just in time to see a bedraggled old dog make his way towards him from the doghouse on the porch.

"Ah, there you are, Johnny."

The dog looked solemnly up at him. Matsuoka liked to think that if this was actually a place for Satan, Johnny could be the guarding hell hound. Except that Johnny looked more like he was about to keel over any second than be able to protect the house against as much as a mouse.

Matsuoka reached into the bag and pulled out one of the bones he'd picked up from the supermarket earlier that day. "When are you gonna die, you old bag?" And with that, he tossed it off in the other direction, watching Johnny lazily meander off towards it. He was about to reach over and cinch up the chain to keep Johnny away from any of the other... _guests_ coming that night, but then decided it probably wasn't necessary. The guests were more liable to be rendered ill from his ghastly old dog smell than they were to get attacked.

Pursing his lips, Matsuoka started to continue on into the house, only to stop suddenly when he realized that the smell itself hadn't gone away when Johnny wandered off. Glancing down to his shoes, he groaned inwardly before shooting Johnny himself a glare, the dog now contentedly gumming his bone from the doghouse.

"Why can't you at least start shitting something useful? Like boy bands or something."

With a huff, Matsuoka finally marched his way into the house, wiping his foot off on the shoe scrubber at the entrance. As he hung up his coat on the nearby rack, he could hear music echoing down the hallway, and let out a resolute sigh. Dear lord, if he'd told him once, he'd told him twice. Picking up his pace, he walked straight to the library, opening the door with one eyebrow quirked up and mouth pulled back in an unamused cringe.

"Ohkura."

There was no response.

The man in question was currently enthralled in the music blaring out of the record player, dancing around as he polished various glasses in the room to the strange rap music. He leaned over the nearby desk to dust the lamp, giving Matsuoka a good view of the incriminatingly short shorts he had on beneath the apron he was wearing. Matsuoka rolled his eyes and walked over to the record player, the record case beside it labeling the music as something by a group called "V6". Matsuoka abruptly pressed the button to stop it.

The room went quiet. Which made Ohkura turn around from his cleaning with a frown. "Hey, what's--"

He stopped mid-sentence upon seeing Matsuoka and the far-from-amused expression plastered across his face.

Matsuoka raised his eyebrows. "...I'm going to trust that everything is ready then?"

Ohkura reached over and quickly wiped the last remaining smudge off the lamp. "Everything's good to go."

"And you remember what you're supposed to do?"

At this Ohkura cocked his head to the side with a grin. "Of course."

Matsuoka gave him one last stare. "...carry on then." And with that, he turned on his heels to head back to the hall. Ohkura, in turn, rolled his eyes before going back to his polishing. Only to stop after a few more seconds with his nose in the air and a disgusted look on his face, glancing down once at his shoes.

Back in the hall, Matsuoka made his way briskly down the gleaming wood floor, shoes clicking with each step until he arrived in the kitchen, stark, white, and currently containing one Higashiyama, singing something to himself about Love Spices and Napolitans as he twirled a knife around. He'd just sunk said knife into the onion he was chopping when the sound of Matsuoka's shoes reached his ears and he spun himself leisurely around to greet the newcomer.

Matsuoka glanced around at the various food items in different stages of being cooked.

"Is everything coming along alright?"

Higashiyama tugged the knife out of the onion before dicing it skillfully in a matter of seconds. He didn't look back at Matsuoka.

"7:30. It’ll be ready."

Matsuoka rolled his eyes once again. He opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted as the doorbell rang. He felt his heart pick up just slightly in his chest at the noise, but quickly calmed himself, then turned on his feet without another word and made his way back to the front door. He stopped right in front of it, straightening his jacket and otherwise making sure he looked presentable, then took a hold of the handle and pulled it open.

And was greeted by a man even taller than he was.

Said man was making a rather disgusted-looking face at Johnny off in his doghouse, but turned once the door was open, pulling at his collar.

"Good evening."

The man blinked for a second, then took off his hat. "Yeah, so... I'm not sure if this'll sound weird or not but I got some sort of--"

"Not to worry, we've been expecting you."

The worry left the man's face almost instantly and he let out a sigh. He scratched at the scruff on his chin and walked inside as Matsuoka gestured towards him with his hand.

"Man, this place is huge..." The man was glancing around the hall, eyes fixated on the giant chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

"Can I go ahead and take your coat?" Matsuoka reached a hand out, to which the man responded by shrugging said clothing article off his shoulders and handing it over without a second glance.

Matsuoka narrowed his eyes slightly when said coat almost fell to the ground, but then hung it up on the nearby hook promptly.

"You are the Colonel, are you not?"

"Hm?" The man turned back with his hands on his hips. "Yeah, that's right. Colonel N--"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Matsuoka waved a finger. "While you're here, if you could, we'd like you to go by the name written on the letter you received."

This was received with a blank look. Until finally the man's eyes lit up. "Oh. Right. Yeah. That whole Reservoir Dogs kinda thing." His eyebrows furrowed, nose scrunched up and lips pursed together. "...it was like... poupon... or something."

Matsuoka wanted to slap his forehead, but somehow managed to refrain from doing so. "It's _Mustard_. You know, like the color of the suit you're wearing right now."

The man glanced down at said suit, one hand opening the front of the jacket to peruse the inside. "I would say this is more of a daffodil."

Matsuoka dead-panned. "Alright, well, if you want to be called Colonel Daffodil..."

"Fuck no! I'm not gonna be named some fruity, girly thing!"

"Then I guess we'll just have to stick with Mustard, hm?" Matsuoka started to lead the man down the hall towards the library.

"Well, I was thinking maybe Colonel Cumload would be kinda novel, but I wasn't sure if the vulgarity would be appreciated... so how about Colonel Disco Stick?"

Matsuoka snapped open the library door, holding it open. "Would you _please_ step kindly inside, Colonel _Mustard_."

The man rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. "Yeesh, temper, temper."

At this point in the story, the author would like to make note of a quite unnatural conundrum that's been reached regarding names, as said author wants to allow the readers to understand exactly who is being described and the actions they're performing without creating excess mental strain. Thus, for the story's sake, the decision has been reached to employ each character's true name in narration, but that of their alias when referred to in dialogue. The author hopes to decrease any confusion that may come about because of the character within a character that this kind of parody story has created.

Therefore, said mustard-dressed scruffy man that has just entered Hill House shall from this point on be referred to as Nagase, for that is, in fact, who he is. Not that the author really needs to state this fact for it was readily obvious from the gratuitous penis jokes that the author also apologizes for.

And without further ado, let us return to the story at hand, in which Nagase has just entered the library and is currently sipping Cognac with a rather wary-looking Ohkura.

Matsuoka had just closed the doors behind him as he exited the library when the doorbell rang again. Straightening his coat, he walked swiftly over and pulled open the door, bathing the porch in light.

A short man with dark hair, dark eyes, dark clothes, and a generally dark stature stood before him, sucking up the light from the door like a black hole.

"Do please come in, sir." Matsuoka gave a small nod, gesturing for the newcomer to step inside.

Which he did at once, eyes narrowing.

"Do you even know who the hell I am?"

Matsuoka shut the door behind him. "I do, in fact, know who you are, but for the time being I know you are to go by Mr. White."

"Damn straight. I'm in the right place then. Not that I actually like all this Reservoir Dogs shit." Ryo ran a hand through his hair before shaking it out. "And really, who came up with these names anyway? They could have been a little more creative."

"Can I go ahead and take your coat, sir?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Ryo shrugged off said coat, revealing the beautifully white, silk lining on the underside. After Matsuoka had hung it up, the two of them proceeded to the library, walking in just as Nagase was trying to make some subtle, vaguely racy gesture towards his crotchal region and promptly opening the door right in his face.

Matsuoka forced back the laughter that formed in his throat to a simple smirk before gesturing that Ryo should come all the way in.

"Shall I go ahead and introduce you, then? Mr. White, this is Ohkura. He's the..." Matsuoka's eyebrows furrowed as he glanced up and down at Ohkura. "...well, he works here."

Ryo instantly tensed, shooting daggers at Ohkura, who responded with them in kind.

Matsuoka raised an eyebrow. "I see the introductions weren't necessary."

At this point, Nagase had finished groaning behind the door and had come out, not wanting to be left out lest the others think he was somehow unimportant.

"Sup."

"Shut up."

Meanwhile, outside and just a short ways away from the manor, one tiny, frustrated, red-dressed gentleman was current fuming at his car, all manner of vulgarities and curses echoing in the vacant street as he kicked a dent into the passenger door.

"This is fucking _shit_ , I can't even... what is... this is _SHIT_ this fucking piece of garbage ass shit fuck me in the asssssssss----HEY!"

Headlights appeared, coming in his direction from farther down the road. Eyes wide, he regained his regal manner from before (the author insists it was indeed regal), and sauntered confidently to the middle of the road, cane planted in the dirt as he pouted his nose upwards.

The car, inevitably, stopped.

A slightly unkempt man with wire-frame glasses poked his head out of the driver window, one side of his mouth pulled down in a frown.

"Is there something I can help you with, sir?"

Taichi used his cane to point over at the now dent-ridden frame that was his vehicle.

"My car seems to have suffered some damage. Would you mind lending me the passenger seat of your car?"

The man in the car looked befuddled for an instant, turning his head back inside.

"Well... I suppose you can have it. I mean, it is a little ratty..."

The forced sophistication in Taichi's voice disappeared and he smacked the lid of the other man's car with his cane. "I'm asking you for a ride, dumbass!"

Yoko, inside the car, became more flustered than angered by this turn of events. "Ah, right. I mean, of course." He blinked silently for a moment. "I mean, sure. It's fine. Where are you headed?"

Taichi was already at the passenger door, yanking it open before taking a seat inside, straightening the collar of his shirt. After a few moments he glanced over at Yoko as if just now absorbing the question that'd been asked.

"Ah, right. A dinner party. It's..." His hand went to his suit-jacket pocket, pulling out a slightly crinkled paper before situating it in front of his line of vision.

"...Hill House. It says here that it's just off Route 41?"

"Ah." Yoko's eyes widened, and soon he was leaning over towards Taichi's seat to get a better look at the letter. Taichi, in turn, gave him a disgusted face, and attempted to brush him away with his hand.

"I got a letter just like this!"

Taichi raised an eyebrow. " _You_ did? I suppose maybe I overdressed a bit then."

Yoko was still too surprised to think much of the comment, hands going back to the wheel. "I don't think it's too much farther..."

Back at the house in question, another guest had just arrived in the library, joining those already present and enjoying themselves (the author uses this term loosely) over their glasses of Cognac.

Matsuoka held his hand out in introduction. "And now we have Mrs-... pardon me, Mr. Peacock."

All eyes went to the man standing in the doorway, both his hands clasped around a small satchel in front of him.

The man laughed a bit nervously. "Well, I suppose you could call me Mrs. if you want to, I mean, it's not like it makes much of a difference in the grand scheme of things, does it? We're all using nicknames anyway, aren't we? So what's the difference if it's Mr. or Mrs.? Of course I'm s-"

"Ohkura, would you be so kind as to check on the status of our dinner?" Matsuoka used his most appealing voice.

Ohkura responded with a simple nod before pushing his way past Joshima and off into the hall. Joshima, in turn, watched him walk away, eyes widening at the extremely short length of the other's shorts and instinctively bringing a hand up to push back his bangs, the rest of his hair pulled back in a half pig-tail.

He looked back to the rest of the guests, Ryo staring gloomily off towards the fireplace and Nagase, the object of his earlier staring now gone, was now eying him and every so often pushing his crotchal region out completely unsubtly.

Joshima's spit got caught in his throat.

The next time the doorbell rang, Matsuoka was once again prompt to answer it, pulling it open to reveal a short-statured man in a crisp-looking overcoat.

"I'm not sure if this is the right address or not, but I'm looking for someone named... Mr. Subaru?"

Matsuoka smiled. "Of course. You've come to the right place." He cocked his head to the side with a flick, smile itself bordering on a very knowing smirk but staying welcoming all the same.

The author would like to add in that the butler of Hill House is of the most suave and elegant variety, in case the reader should not have gathered this impression already.

"The letter said I was supposed to go by-..."

"Yes, Mr. Green. It's alright, I know as well." Matsuoka continued to hold the door open while the aforementioned Mr. Green stood on the steps and looked around uncomfortably. It wasn't until Matsuoka pursed his lips together with a small cough that the man we shall now call Yasu realized he was being rude and came inside with a curt little bow.

"Sorry, so sorry."

"Not a problem, sir."

Back in the car we left only a short while ago, a very aloof man and a very irate man were currently gazing up in wide-eyed wonder at the image of their destination against the stormy sky.

"God _damn_."

"This is it, isn't it?"

Taichi rapped his cane on the dashboard. "Of course it's it. I told you to go this way, so this is it."

A flash of lightning lit up the sky as thunder shook the frame of the car. Yoko squeaked.

"Good god, man. Pull yourself together!"

"I am together, it's just my bowels that are currently in a twist." Yoko grimaced down at his hands still on the wheel, slowly peeling his fingers off from the death-grip he'd been grasping it with.

"I don't need to hear about your ass problems unless they involve someone shoving a big dick called 'drive the hell up to the house' in it."

Yoko's eyes went to Taichi's crotchal region and widened instinctively.

Five minutes later saw them running through the rain to the front of the house. Taichi had a firm grip on his hat as he ran, attempting to shield his eyes from the torrential downpour the earlier sprinkle had become. Yoko ran with both hands in front of his face, which resulted in him ramming into Taichi from behind once the other man had stopped moving. Taichi whapped his cane on the other's head.

At just that moment, the door was opened to reveal the ever-watchful and ready Matsuoka.

"Ah, the last of our guests." He raised an eyebrow in slight confusion. "Could it be that you two know each other already?"

Taichi breezed past Matsuoka at the door with barely a glance. "Fuck no, I'm not _that_ willy-nilly with my dick."

Yoko followed behind, bowing a bit apologetically before moving into the house.

Matsuoka moved back to the front and led the two of them to the library, gesturing for them to join the rest of the guests already present.

"Everyone, Professor Plum and Mr. Scarlet have arrived."

"Charmed." Yasu bowed his head.

Joshima pulled off some kind of strange mini-curtsy.

Ryo rolled his eyes.

"You're very red." Nagase bemused, staring at Taichi with a most unintelligent expression.

Matsuoka moved towards the middle of the room to address everyone as more Cognac was passed around to the new guests.

"Now, I'm sure that you all have realized by now that no one here is going by their real name. Each one of you received a letter and was also given a pseudonym."

"Thinking about my name makes me hungry..." Nagase gave up staring at Taichi's red suit and looked down at his own poupon-resembling one.

Yasu took a step forward. "Just what exactly is going on here-"

There was a horrific clang from the hallway as the gong for dinner was rung by a very over-zealous Higashiyama.

Yasu's sentence was cut off as his Cognac flew all over the nearby Joshima, who blinked in mild astonishment at his new state of wetness.

Matsuoka smiled, clapping his hands together. "And that would be dinner."

There was a mixture of mild irritation yet happiness at the thought of food as the group began to file out the door. Yasu was attempting to mop up Joshima, whose shirt had a dark wet spot now gracing the entire frontside.

Upon reaching the dining room, Matsuoka pressed them to find the chairs with their names beside them, and then they all began searching about for their assigned places.

"It's about time we got some food, I feel like I'm wasting away here." Taichi loosened the collar of his shirt before stretching his arms out in front of him and promptly cracking his knuckles.

"At least the coroners will have no trouble finding you what with that ridiculous suit." Ryo eyed him from across the table.

Taichi's eyebrows furrowed almost immediately. "I'll have you know this was a very expensive suit."

"So you actually _paid_ to look like a flamingo?"

The cane was up now, practically shoved in Ryo's face as Taichi leaned across the table. "Watch it unless you want this shoved up your ass, buster."

"Oh, is someone getting something up the rear?" Joshima and Yasu finally entered the dining room as well, and Joshima was looking curiously excited as placed the palms of his hands together.

Yasu went red-faced and immediately took a step back. "N-Not me!"

Yoko, across the table from Taichi, crossed his arms in front of him. "You certainly seem to have a fascination with the rear end. Is this something you'd like to talk about?"

"Naga-chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin-!!" Nagase slammed one foot up on the table, both hands to his fly and more ready than he'd ever been to set himself free unto the world.

And then the metal partition leading to the kitchen slid straight up with a loud, ringing clang.

Everyone's hearts skipped a beat. Yasu almost wet himself.

" _Please_ be seated, oh honorable guests." Matsuoka walked back out from where he'd been in the kitchen with his hands up, graciously motioning for them to take their seats.

There was a general awkwardness as they began sitting down obediently, though Taichi and Ryo continued to stare daggers at each other from across the table. Nagase, sitting towards the end of the table, looked to the head, which was still empty.

"Is that where you're sitting, butler-man?"

Matsuoka chuckled in forced amusement. "It's Matsuoka. And no, I'm leaving that open for our final guest."

"Final guest?" Yoko's eyes widened. Everybody else murmured similar thoughts of confusion.

"Why, of course." Matsuoka glanced around. "For Mr. Subaru, who else?"

Ohkura was back now, silently placing bowls of steaming hot soup in front of each of them from a large tray.

Ryo eyed his questioningly. "I thought this Mr. Subaru was our host..."

"You would." Taichi quipped from across the table, which earned him another glare.

"Well, I am going to start eating." Yoko promptly held his spoon up before the bickering could turn into something more. "It smells delicious."

Nagase took his bowl away from where it was already half-covering his face, cheeks full. He swallowed loudly. "...you mean we hadn't started yet?"

Joshima rolled his eyes with his arms across his chest. "...well, I don't know about all of you, but to me it's clear that none of us has any idea of what's going on here." He waggled his spoon in front of him with an almost reprimanding air. "But I'm more than prepared to try and make the most of this. I mean, how often is it you get to make so many interesting new acquaintances all at once? I mean, I certainly do meet a lot of people as part of my livelihood, but my, what an intriguing place we're meeting in, and isn't it kind of fun with none of us knowing who each other is, and are you all enjoying your soup?"

It was silent.

Nagase burped loudly from across the table.

Yoko set his own spoon back down. "Livelihood, you said?"

Everyone else perked up.

Joshima turned towards him. "Why yes, I mean, when you're-..." He stopped. Then blinked. Then turned back to the middle of the table with a hand over his mouth. "...wait, we're not supposed to say anything about ourselves, are we?"

At this, Yasu, who'd been fairly silent up until now, cracked a tiny grin across his face. He took a spoonful of soup into his mouth. "I know who you are."

Taichi perked up. "The green one speaks."

Joshima's face went red and his shoulders huddled uncertainly. "H-how do you know?"

Yasu seemed to enjoy himself a bit, raising his spoon up again high with another portion of soup and sliding it into his mouth. "I just so happen to work in Washington as well."

Yoko pushed his glasses down on his nose and studied Joshima carefully. "So you're in politics?"

"Y-yes..."

Nagase guffawed, sending tiny spittles of soup out of his mouth. "Doesn't look like any politician I've ever seen. He looks more like a fr-"

The door opened abruptly as Matsuoka came gliding back in from the kitchen. Everyone at the table gave a startled jump.  
"Is everyone enjoying their meals so far?"

There was an awkward murmur that wasn't really positive but wasn't really negative.

Joshima took opportunity of the silent moment to calm himself down and return to his soup. After bringing a bite of it to his mouth, he turned to his right, anxious to relieve himself of any extra attention anyone might have on him.

"Ah, so, uh..."

Ryo looked up.

Joshima pounced.

"Are you married, uh... Mr. White?"

Ryo finished off his soup unassumedly. "I suppose that depends on what you mean by married."

This brought a quizzical look out of Joshima just as Ohkura came back out once more, this time to serve them their main course.

Nagase whinnied like a horse once his food was placed in front of him.

Yoko gave him a bemused look.

Joshima took a bite from the food and instantly brightened. "Ah, I love this! This is one of my favorite recipes!"

"I know, sir." Matsuoka had somehow ended up right next to him while the food was being passed out, which made Joshima jump when the words came from so close. Joshima turned back to his food a bit nervously, then moved his attention to across the table.

"Mr., uh... Green, was it? You said you work in Washington? What exactly do you do?"

Yasu looked up at him, then back at his food, not saying anything.

"SECONDS, PLEASE." Nagase held his plate out towards Matsuoka, who rolled his eyes before walking over to take it from him.

Joshima pushed on anyway. "Don't just sit there and not say anything. How are we going to get to know each other if we all just sit here?"

"Well, we've pretty much all had plenty enough of getting to know _you_." Taichi snapped from his seat.

Joshima sat back in his chair, unnerved. "Now that was uncalled for!"

"The red one sure enjoys getting on peoples' nerves, doesn't he?" Ryo this time, not even looking up from his bowl.

"I'm just saying what everyone's thinking!" One of Taichi’s fists shot out to slam down on the table, shaking the nearby china. "I'm sure we're all plenty tired of listening to the fruit-cake rattle on."

Joshima's expression went from displeased to hurt and he sank a bit in his chair. "I was just trying to keep things from getting awkward. We were all just sitting here in silence..."

Yoko finally glanced to his left to where Joshima was sitting. "Are you afraid of silence?"

"O-of course not!" The red was back in his face. "Why are you asking?"

"You just seem very intent to keep talking when no one else is. One might think you were suffering from pressure of speech." Yoko fixed the lapels of his jacket.

"The fuck are you, some kind of psych doctor?" Taichi slouched back in his seat with his arms across his chest.

Yoko calmly shot him a look back. "I'm not sure what this "psych doctor" is you're referring to, but I do happen to know a bit about the matters of the mind."

Taichi lifted his cane and pointed it across the table. "Dear god, if you go all existential on us or something, this'll be shoved up your ass faster than fruit-cake can annoy me. And trust me, that's pretty fast."

"He brought out the asses again!" Ryo grinned almost evilly and leaned his chin on his hand.

"Can we please stop talking about rear ends?" Yasu was staring down at his still un-touched food.

"I like rear ends..." Nagase stared across the table at Joshima as his eyes traveled downwards. Joshima went beet-red again as he began fidgeting in his chair.

"It doesn't even take a psychiatrist to figure out what's going on in your head, good sir." Yoko pulled a pipe out of his pocket and pointed the end of it across at Taichi, who in turn pulled his cane back in a bit awkwardly.

"Sausages! Sausages! Anyone up for sausages?" Matsuoka, who had disappeared at some point the way he seemed so very adept at doing, came back in a flourish with a tray of bite-sized sausages, holding them out across the table.

Nagase looked down at them curiously, then sat back in his chair while patting himself on the crotch. "No need to worry. You're still the biggest."

At that point, the doorbell rang from outside in the hall.

All eyes went instantly towards the door to the dining room. Matsuoka set the tray down in the middle of the table, straightening his suit jacket before walking crisply out of the room.

No one said a word.

At least, until Nagase indiscreetly pushed the tray of sausages towards the other end of the table, raising an eyebrow at Joshima. Who in turn, seemed unfazed and responded with a simple "Well, I'm really not that hungry anymore, but I suppose I could...", before bringing one of them to his mouth and nibbling on the end.

Nagase stared at him with his mouth hanging half open.

The other four seemed much more intent on the door Matsuoka'd just exited, Yoko even craning forward just a bit in his chair so he could hear better as voices began drifting through it.

"Good evening, sir. We were just expecting you."

"Yeah, I wonder why."

"Can I take your coat and bag?"

"Take the coat, but you might as well just leave the bag here. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute... why are you locking the door?"

"Only to be safe, sir."

"Yeah, whose safety, yours or mine?"

"Isn't that the question we're all asking?"

"Sometimes I really hate you."

"Why don't you come join us in the dining room?"

"Oh yes, let's. Nothing would make me happier."

"The master's sarcasm is as wonderful as always."

There was the sound of footsteps, and then Matsuoka reappeared in the door, followed by a man in black, his hair pulled up behind him in a pony-tail and a scowl etched across his face.

Which only deepened once he'd stepped all the way inside the dining room.

"They're already here, huh?"

"Why, of course, sir. We were just enjoying dinner, actually."

All eyes in the room were now fixated on the newcomer. Even Joshima'd stopped chewing on his sausage and now had it hanging out of his mouth.

"Would you care to sit down?" Matsuoka walked to the head of the table which still sat empty, pulling back the chair and gesturing with his hand.

"Thank you, Mabo." Though it wasn't said with the utmost of sincerity. Ohkura came back in from the kitchen with a bowl of soup once Subaru had taken his seat, though Subaru simply waved him away. "I'm suddenly not in the mood to eat." His eyes narrowed and he gazed around at the others present in the room.

Yasu instinctively swallowed quite loudly.

A grating silence followed which wasn't broken until Joshima finally pushed himself up from the table, hand to his chest and eyebrows furrowed. "What's going on here? I think it's high-time we were all informed why exactly we've been brought up here to this creepy place."

Subaru's grin widened but he didn't say anything. In fact, it was Matsuoka who spoke up after the outburst, coming to stand between Joshima and Subaru.

"You all received a letter, did you not? Even I did, informing me that I should be present at this date and time in order to end a pressing financial obligation. There's no name attached besides 'a friend'."

Joshima awkwardly sat back down in his chair as the others all looked around at each other.

"Mine said the same." Yasu adjusted his glasses.

"Yeah, yeah, we all got the same damn letter." Taichi crossed his arms in front of him and chewed on his cud.

Subaru continued to sit rather mightily in his chair, staring at them before bringing a hand up to adjust his collar. "I received one of these letters as well. Though it didn't say the same thing."

Ohkura wandered back out, this time to try and serve Subaru some of the main dish, but again Subaru refused.

"I really can't eat anything right now, Ohkura."

This prompted Yasu again, who pointed up with an unsteady finger. "How did you know his name?"

Subaru's grin widened. "Oh, don't worry." His hand slipped up Ohkura's thigh, which brought out a yelp from Ohkura as he jumped back. "We have history."

"History we'd rather forget." Ohkura turned his nose upwards and promptly made his way back to the kitchen.

Joshima pushed his glasses up as he watched Ohkura leave, Matsuoka pausing a bit awkwardly before breaking the silence again, clapping his hands together.

"Well! Would any of you like anything for dessert? Cake? Fruit? Coffee?"

Nagase raised his hand like an overzealous grade-schooler. "Cake, please!"

Matsuoka didn't respond, glancing at everyone in the room aside from Nagase. "No? Alright then, why don't we go ahead and gather in the study. It's much more comfortable in there, and perhaps we'll be able to get this sorted out at that time. Tut tut." Another clap of the hands, and then everyone was reluctantly rising from their chairs.

"I'm not leaving until I get my cake!" Nagase's eyes narrowed.

Everyone left the room.

Nagase sat silently at the dining room table and stared at the still-full tray of sausages, the clock on the wall ticking loudly juxtaposed against the sound of the rain outside.

There was a flash of lightning from the window.

Nagase pursed his lips together.

"...fucking butler."

And then he was out of his chair and jogging to catch up with everyone else already in the study. He instantly lit up when he realized there was brandy and helped himself to a heaping glass.

As everyone was taking their seats in various places about the room, Matsuoka made his way to the desk where he procured a manila envelope, fiddling with the fastener.

Taichi opened his suit jacket to reveal a carefully stitched-in supply of cigarettes, yanking one out and putting it to his lips before flicking his lighter open. Joshima watched for a moment, then pulled out his own pack of cigarettes from his satchel (the author would like to add that some would probably consider this a "man-purse") before tentatively holding it out in hopes of getting a light of his own. Taichi gave a very long sigh, complete with eye-roll, but he finally complied, resulting in a very happy Joshima.

As Taichi sat back in his couch, Yoko hopefully held his pipe out from next to him.

Taichi's eyes narrowed in further annoyance. "...fucking freeloaders." He lit Yoko's pipe with a grumble, making sure to let out a good whiff of smoke from his own cigarette into Yoko's face as he did so.

Yoko obliviously thanked him before sitting back.

Nagase downed his second glass of brandy.

Yasu stared disapprovingly at all four of them.

Matsuoka cleared his throat from the other end of the room. "Now... it says here that I'm supposed to inform you of why you're all here, though I do wonder if some of you haven't already suspected it."

There were glances all around, but no one spoke up. Subaru sat begrudgingly at the back of the room, watching everyone's confusion.

When the silence continued, Matsuoka resumed his speech. "If no one has any idea, I suppose I'll just have to tell you. Each and every one of you is being blackmailed by someone you don't know."

Now this created a commotion indeed, a rustle of activity moving through everyone present, until finally Joshima spoke up from amidst his cloud of cigarette smoke.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who on earth would want to blackmail me! There's nothing I've done wrong."

Matsuoka raised an eyebrow as Joshima promptly hacked up a lung.

"Does anyone else have anything to say?"

Silence.

Matsuoka continued, gesturing towards Ohkura who was now standing near the door. "Ohkura, if you wouldn't mind...?" To which Ohkura nodded with a little bow and made his way out the door, closing the door behind him. "If no one else is going to deny it, my next instructions are to reveal details about said blackmail."

Taichi chewed on the end of his cigarette.

Nagase downed his third glass of brandy.

Ryo's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms in a huff. "Are you _trying_ to make this more humiliating than it already is?"

"I'm not sure, but I could certainly try if you wanted." Matsuoka raised an eyebrow and directed his attention to said disgruntled short-statured gentleman.

"If you're going to do it, then just do it already." Yasu fidgeted uncomfortably in his own seat.

"As you wish, good sir." Matsuoka turned his direction to where Yoko was silently puffing on his pipe. "Professor Plum, if I may?"

Yoko's mouth tightened around the pipe.

"You were a psychiatry professor, correct? Helping patients suffering from paranoia and homicidal urges to correct their delusions of grandeur."

Yoko let out an exceptionally large puff of smoke. "This is true."

"But you're not allowed to practice anymore as your license has been lifted." There was a slight edge of humor in Matsuoka's voice, but his face remained stern.

Taichi seemed to get a kick out of his, moving closer to Yoko with a grin. "Oh dear, did the doctor do something he shouldn't have done?"

Yoko glared at Taichi but remained silent.

"Let's just say that the dear professor had a little too much fun with a few of his patients of the female persuasion." The amusement in Matsuoka's voice was readily apparent now.

At this, Taichi laughed out loud. "Who knew beneath all that oblivious exterior there was really a giant perv inside?"

Yoko's hand shot out, finger poking Taichi's chest and pushing him back. "As if you're one to talk. All you can think about is the next ass you're going to f-"

"Stop it, stop it! You're all being disgusting!" Joshima had his hands to his ears, eyes squinched shut.

"Is it really so awful, Mr. Peacock?" Matsuoka turned towards him in an instant, which brought a nervous squeak out of Joshima as he pushed himself back in his chair. "I would think you'd be all too familiar with the kinds of things the purple and red ones are discussing."

Joshima looked away, almost dropping his cigarette. "I-I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Oh, so then it's not true that you take on the guise of a certain Senator Yamaguchi's wife in public so that you can spend your nights in his hotel room together without anyone so much as batting an eye?"

Joshima's eyes widened in fear.

"I told you I knew who he was!" Yasu seemed very proud of himself.

"I knew there was something a little too fruity about you." Taichi moved forward in his seat to scrutinize Joshima more closely. "Didn't realize I should have simply tried picturing you in a skirt."

Joshima turned red and tried to move away from Taichi only to bump into Ryo. "I-it's not true!"

Yoko had his arms crossed in front of him, glad that the attention had moved on to someone else. "I'm more surprised at the senator really. _He's_ the one I wouldn't have thought to swing that way..."

Joshima shot forward, hand to his chest. "Tatsuya loves me!" A second later, he realized what he'd just done and went red as a tomato, shrinking back into his chair with his hands in front of his face.

Ryo moved a hand over to pat Joshima reassuringly on the knee. "It's alright, I'm getting black-mailed for something I didn't do as well."

Nagase's hand shot up, causing him to spill about half of his new glass of brandy. "Me too!"

Taichi laughed abruptly. "You're _all_ a bunch of limp dicks. Can't even man up to what you've done!"

Matsuoka raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Ah, so you're not going to deny yours?"

"Of course not!" Taichi stood up, cocking his hat with a grin before making his way to the center of the room. "I have nothing to be ashamed of."

Yoko appeared rather interested, adjusted his glasses. "What did you do?"

Taichi twirled his cane before using it to lean forward towards Yoko with a lascivious smirk. "Let's just say I have a group of young men and women of whom I help find work for every night."

Yoko's interest increased, mouth open and pipe hanging out erratically. "You don't say..."

Which just brought another laugh out of Taichi as he batted the ashes from his cigarette onto the floor.

Nagase's head popped back up from where he'd been pouring himself another glass of brandy. "Oh hey, I knew I'd seen you somewhere before!"

There was complete silence in the room.

And then it burst into a flurry of conversation, topped off with Taichi's uproarious laughter.

Matsuoka shook his head in disbelief and looked down at the papers in his hand. "Apparently the brandy has taken my job from me."

Nagase shook his head with a start. "Wait, I... I mean... of course, I meant that, I had... seen him at the supermarket! 'Cuz you know..."

Joshima had his arms crossed in front of him, tsk'ing in the back of his throat. Yoko was now attempting to see if he couldn't get the phone number for Taichi's establishment out of Nagase before anyone would notice.

"You're trying to deny it _now_? I think we're beyond that now, mustard man." Taichi leaned back on the desk Matsuoka was standing near, letting his feet swing out from beneath him.

Nagase pushed his way away from Yoko in annoyance. "You have no proof!" He walked angrily towards Taichi, but was stopped when the other man brought his cane up and promptly bonked him on the nose.

"Despite the fact that it's clear we don't need proof, I might just in fact have such items."

Nagase's hair stood on end. "Shit man, don't tell me you have..." He glanced around nervously. "Y-you don't have pictures... do you?"

Matsuoka bumped Taichi's cane upwards, causing Nagase to stumble back. "Now _that_ sounded like a confession if I've ever heard one."

Joshima leaned backwards faintly with the back of his hand to his forehead. "I ate a sausage in front of that man..."

Ryo shrugged. "He's no worse than the horny doctor."

Which caused Yoko to shrink in his suit jacket.

Nagase pointed a finger in Matsuoka's face. "This is all your fault you damn, dirty butler! Now you've gone and made everyone think I'm some lecherous perv!"

Matsuoka narrowed his eyes, bored. "That thing between your legs was liable to have done so by the end of the night as it was."

Nagase's glare deepened. "That's right!" Only to suddenly dissipate when he tried to figure out what he'd just agreed to.

"Personally, I don't see what's wrong with a man taking care of... issues that need to be taken care of." Yoko stood up and took a much deeper than necessary puff from his pipe. "I mean, we're all men here..." He glanced in Joshima's direction. "...some of us more than others, but still. We all have our needs."

Taichi crossed his legs and rolled his eyes. "You would say something like that."

Which just made Ryo guffaw. "The pot calling the kettle black?"

"I'm getting more and more sick of your attitude, asswipe." Taichi's eyes narrowed as he glared daggers down at Ryo. "Just what horrible crime did _you_ commit, anyway? To be sitting there so serenely?"

Ryo simply crossed his arms. "Like I said, I didn't do anything."

Matsuoka took this opportunity to whip his papers back out. "Then why do you continue to pay the blackmailer to keep details of your wife's mysterious death from leaking out?"

"'Depends on what you mean by married, huh?'" Taichi laughed and turned so he was fully facing Ryo. "And here you're judging people just for letting their dicks hang outta their pants."

Joshima, who'd been sitting close to Ryo for safety before now scooted away instinctively, face turning slightly green.

Ryo looked around in disbelief. "I didn't kill her, if that's what you're thinking! I simply didn't want a scandal! Whether I'd done it or not wouldn't make a difference once a story like that leaked to the press. She was crazy! She never listened to anything I said. She was always going out late at night and coming back half-gone to the wind with her panties all in a tiff."

Yoko cocked his head to the side in thought as if this had caused him to remember something.

Joshima looked down at his pants and pulled the hem out just a bit so he could see inside. "...in a tiff?"

Yasu slapped his forehead in continued annoyance.

"So you killed her for sleeping around?" Matsuoka had rolled the papers up and was patting his shoulder dubiously.

"Of course not! Sure I might have fancied the thought once or twice. I did so much work at home! She could have at least had the decency to eat the dinners I worked so hard to prepare from time to time." Ryo was staring off into space.

"The domestic husband, I see." Matsuoka nodded his head in thought.

"I do try, you know. I try to provide, I try to do my best to live up to their expectations, but apparently I'm just not good enough. At least now I don't have to organize her closet of clothes anymore while she barks at me from the bathroom."

Yoko leaned over to Nagase and whispered in his ear. "There is such a thing as whipping the eggs _too_ much..."

"Wasn't this your second wife though? Your first one also went missing, did she not? Found floating off the coast?" Matsuoka again.

Ryo just chuckled. "Well, what would you expect? She was in the Coast Guard."

"Don't they usually prefer ships in the Coast Guard?"

"Clearly she wasn't trained well enough."

Around this point, Yasu had had quite enough and walked up to join the others who were all crowded in the center, clearing his throat in a grand manner.

"As fun as this all is, I hope you don't mind if I go ahead and speak now for myself, rather than let myself get cross-examined like some criminal."

Everyone turned to face him as if they'd forgotten he was even still there.

Taichi twirled his cane. "The green one speaks again!"

"Hush it, you." Yasu pointed a finger angrily in Taichi's direction, causing the other man to sit back with a pout. "I am also a homosexual, something which I find no fault with but if I'm to keep my job I have to keep it a secret." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned his head to the side as everyone continued to look at him.

Taichi threw his arms up in the air. "For Chrissake, man. Is everyone in this room a fruit?"

Joshima looked ashamedly at the ground.

Nagase ran his tongue over his bottom lip. "I like fruit. Especially with ice cream..."

Yoko scratched at his chin. "I suppose it makes sense then, why he was able to identify Peacock so quickly..."

There was a squeaky "it's not true" from the other couch which everyone ignored.

"...anyways though, is that everybody now?"

Taichi readjusted his hat, looking around, before his eyes lit up. "Just that one's left." He pointed his cane towards the back of the room where Subaru had been sitting perfectly quiet the entire time they'd been talking.

Nagase clenched his fist. "Yeah, what did _he_ do?"

Subaru just smiled beneath all their gazes as Matsuoka calmly slid his documents back into the manila envelope. "You mean you haven't all figured it out? Why, he's the one who's blackmailing you."

The room went instantly silent. So silent you could have heard a pin drop. Or at least a penny.

Subaru smirked in satisfaction.

"You fucktard!" Nagase was the first one to start towards him, sleeves of his jacket rolled up as he practically flew over the back of the nearest couch. Subaru stood up at the advance, trying to make his way to the door, but not having a chance before Nagase was there.

Except that Nagase's above-couch flight sent him a little farther than he'd planned and he promptly ran face-first into the cabinet and knocked himself unconscious.

Fortunately, the others weren't far behind, half of them screaming obscenities and the other half, mainly in the form of Yasu and Joshima, were attempting to keep everyone from killing each other.

"You think you're a man, you fucking piece of excrement?!" Taichi raised his cane above his head in preparation for slamming it down on Subaru's head, but just at that time Yasu had gotten close enough to try and help Nagase get to his feet, which brought his own head in between Taichi's cane and Subaru. There was a rather hollow-sounding thwack as Yasu fell backwards over the couch.

"Mr. Green!" Joshima brought his hand to his mouth in horror, now at a complete loss of what to do as Yoko pushed him roughly out of the way to try and get at Subaru.

"Keep 'em comin', fuckwits!" Subaru just leered at them with one hand beckoning them to come closer.

Nagase shakily got to his feet, one hand holding his face, just as Yoko prepared a punch aimed at Subaru's gut. Unsurprisingly, his fist found itself sinking into Nagase's gut, which sent the giant of a man stumbling forward to completely crush Joshima beneath him.

The only one that seemed to be thinking at all during the entire affair was Ryo, who walked up to Subaru calmly and quite effectively kneed him in the groin, sending Subaru doubled over with a groan of pain.

"Everyone, everyone, settle down! Please settle down! The police are on their way!" Matsuoka attempted to shout above the commotion, hands waving to bring the flurry of violence to an end.

"The police?"

"What, you can't call the police!"

"Not the police!"

Joshima pushed Nagase's big lump of a body off to the side with an annoyed grunt, straightening his clothes and pushing himself to his feet. "The police are the last people we want to come here!"

Matsuoka continued to wave his hands, trying to silence the disapproving group. "You've all already admitted how he's been able to blackmail you. If you tell the police this, he'll be convicted without any of your secrets getting revealed. I have all the evidence in my possession as it is, and this entire conversation is being recorded as we speak."

Subaru let out a groan and got shakily to his feet. "You think I'm just gonna let them tell the police?"

Matsuoka raised an eyebrow. "It's not like I expect you to, but I don't see how you're going to stop it now."

Subaru's smirk from earlier returned and he started for the door, stepping on Nagase's stomach along the way. He collected the bag he'd left in the hall earlier, lugging it back into the study and hauling it onto the back of the nearest couch.

The rest of the group watched him in half-curiosity and half-fear, gathering close enough to see but not close enough to leave them in possible danger. Nagase finally pushed himself up off the floor, holding his head in his hand and walking rather dazedly.

"I wonder if you all can guess what I have in here?" Subaru finagled with the zipper for a moment before undoing it, producing a variety of differently shaped packages.

"Evidence?"

"But it can't..."

Subaru didn't say anything, simply smiling at the comments, then proceeded to hand the packages around the room, one to each of the dinner guests.

Taichi raised an eyebrow as he looked down at his. "Wait a minute, did you know you were going to meet us tonight?"

"Why, of course." Subaru just smirked back at him, handing Nagase the last of the boxes before returning to his bag.

Ryo frowned suspiciously. "What exactly were you told?"

"Oh..." Subaru stretched his arms out in front of him. "Not much. Just that there was going to be a meeting about certain.. hm, financial arrangements. And that if I didn't come, the police would be involved." Zipping the bag back up, he hefted it onto his shoulder and started for the door, standing back and admiring all the confused faces now in the room.

"Why don't you go ahead and open them? Consider it a gift from me for all the trouble I've put you through."

There was hesitation at first, then Taichi laughed in the back of his throat and began opening his, which prompted everyone else to do the same, though some with a greater uncertainty than others.

Taichi pulled out the object in his box: a candlestick.

Ryo grasped the object he found in his box: a noose.

Yasu let the object in his box fall out into his hand: a lead pipe.

Nagase pulled out his object with a stupid-looking grin: a wrench.

Yoko looked inside his package hesitantly: a revolver.

And Joshima already had his object out and was twirling it in his hand in almost rapt fascination: a dagger.

"Do you all like your gifts?"

Yoko adjusted his glasses. "Just what is the meaning of all of this?"

Subaru just crossed his arms smugly. "Don't you get it yet? If you rat me out to the police now, all of you will end up exposed in the end. Wouldn't want that now, would you?"

There were concerned faces tossed back and forth between the guests.

Taichi appeared unimpressed. "...and so?"

Subaru tut-tutted in his throat. "So... if you all simply kill Matsuoka, we can forget this ever happened."

Matsuoka, who'd been so silent this entire time, felt his heart skip a beat, and his eyes widened in shock. "Mr. S-"

Subaru cut him off with a point of his finger. "He's the one with the key to the door. If we off him, no one but the seven of us will ever know what happened. If you all want to avoid having your secrets exposed to the world, your only choice is to kill him!"

And with a single click, the lights in the room went out.

Pandemonium ensued.

There was a gunshot. Something broke. An effeminate scream broke from someone's throat.

After what seemed like forever but was in reality merely a couple of seconds, the lights finally came back on.

Subaru was dead in the middle of the floor.

Joshima, still over by the light switch, immediately dropped his dagger and backed up so fast he knocked his head against the door behind him with a thud.

Nagase stood up and looked immediately to Matsuoka with a winning grin. "Matsuoka, you're not dead!"

"Everybody calm down, everybody calm down!" Yoko stood up from the couch, arms outspread to keep everyone away as he stumbled over to Subaru's body. Without a word, he knelt down next to him, checking his pulse with his jaw tense. After another moment: "He's dead!"

The commotion ensued once more, everyone looking at everyone else.

"Wait, who had the gun?" Ryo.

Yoko stood back up, polishing his glasses with a handkerchief. "I had it."

Joshima stepped forward from the door, pointing accusingly with his finger. "Then you shot him!"

"I did not!" Yoko appeared offended.

"But you had the gun! How could someone else have shot him?"

Nagase kicked Subaru's body, and it turned over with a thump. They all looked down at him in acute fascination.

Yoko looked the hardest. "There's no gunshot wound, look here! No one shot him. I was minding my own business when someone tried to grab the gun out of my hand and then it simply went off!" He glanced around furtively. "Look, look over there! It broke that vase on the mantel, you can still see the bullet hole in the wall!"

Everyone rushed over at his words, verifying this for themselves.

By this point, Yasu was quite riled up, and he grabbed the lapels of Yoko's jacket, giving him a shake. "Well, how did he _die_?!?"

"Hell if I know!" Yoko pushed him back, getting angry himself.

Ryo's eyes had a strangely eerie look to them as a smile spread on his face. "One of us must have killed him then..."

"I didn't do it!"

"Well, I didn't either!"

Joshima brought his hand to his forehead and stumbled back towards the door. "Oh god, I need a drink..." He grabbed the cognac glass sitting on the table, bringing it to his mouth.

All at once Yoko's eyes widened and his head shot towards the other man. "The cognac! Maybe it's poisoned!"

Joshima tossed the glass away instantly, horrified, as he began screaming wildly with his hand clutching his chest. Which got the rest all riled up and running about the room, Nagase promptly falling over the back of one of the chairs.

Yasu was the first to Joshima, grabbing him by the arms and shoving him down onto the nearest sofa.

"Shhhh... hush, hush, hush..."

Joshima screamed in his face.

Yasu slapped him so hard he fell sideways on the couch.

Everyone just stared at him, Joshima rubbing his cheek pathetically.

"D...don't look at me like that! H-he was crazy!" Yasu straightened his tie and stood back up awkwardly.

"Was it poisoned then?" Yoko's eyebrows narrowed.

Taichi kneeled down to pick up the spilt glass, now empty. "I guess we'll never know..."

Joshima stared at the glass pitiably from the couch, a hint of tears in his eyes.

Yasu turned back to him. "Then... if he dies too..."

They all stared straight at Joshima, the man in question shrinking in on himself with a squeak.

All of a sudden there was a horrible scream from the other room, forcing an almost collective gasp out of all those in the study, followed by a mass exodus as they all rushed out into the hallway and towards the door of the other room.

Upon throwing open the door, the last thing any of them expected was to see Ohkura sitting on top of the pool table with a terrified look on his face.

Matsuoka rushed over to him. "Is something wrong? What's going on?"

Ohkura just shot him an angry look. "What have you done?"

"E-eh? What do you mean?"

Ohkura looked like he was going to cry. "You've locked me up with a murderer!"

Ryo stepped forward from the throng of people, promptly stepping on Taichi's foot. "Wait, so the murderer is here?"

"Of course!"

They all began looking frantically around.

"Wh-where?!"

"All of you idiots! One of you killed Mr. Subaru! And now I'm trapped in here with you and I'm gonna die!" Ohkura got visibly upset again.

Taichi gave a sigh and rolled his eyes before walking over to the shaken house-maid. "Well, now that you've gotten everyone even more riled up than necessary..."

"More riled up, someone _died!_ " Yasu shot Taichi an annoyed look.

Taichi just raised his hands with a shrug. "Hey. People die. Isn't it a fact of life?"

"You _would_ say something like that..." Ryo scoffed in disgust.

Nagase maneuvered his way over to Ohkura with a lascivious grin. "You know what _else_ is a fact of life..."

"Stop that!" Taichi grabbed Ohkura and pulled him away, swatting at Nagase's face. "We don't need to add rape to the list of crimes committed in this house!"

Nagase appeared saddened as the guests nearest the door began filtering back out.

"Why don't we head back to the study where there's more room?" Matsuoka ushered Taichi and Ohkura towards the door, then looked back to Nagase. "...unless you'd prefer to stay here and take care of any... _business_..." His eyes traveled purposefully downward.

Nagase sighed as if Matsuoka had been completely serious about the question, looking down himself. "Nah. I'll be fine for a while at least. But damn, you've gotta tell some of those pretty ones to stop sashaying their asses all over the place."

He skipped out the door before Matsuoka could even reply.

Not that he would have, had he even the time, for you, as the readers, already know that Matsuoka was a _completely_ professional butler, and did not in the least want to start up such a vile topic with such an unbecoming guest.

That being said, all of them filed back into the study.

"So now we're back to how this guy died again, huh?" Yasu shifted his glasses on his nose and stared down at Subaru's body.

Matsuoka shook his head morosely as he walked in, the last to arrive. "This isn't what I intended at all. I didn't think things would turn out like this!"

"What the hell does that mean?" Ryo's eyes narrowed.

Taichi straddled the arm of one of the sofas. "Wait, so you're not really the butler?"

Matsuoka rubbed at his temples. "I... well... I'll tell you the truth. I'm not really the butler, no. But I am a butler! I was... I was _his_ butler." He gestured towards Subaru on the floor.

Yoko was puffing on his pipe again, looking confused. "But then... why on earth would he arrive so late if he obviously told you to invite all of us here?

"None of this was his doing. It was my plan. My idea. I invited you here on my own."

Ryo promptly stood up. "Are you blackmailing us too?!"

"Of course not!" Matsuoka looked offended.

"Then what kind of shit is actually going down here? I think we'd all appreciate knowing by this point..." Taichi tented his fingers. Nagase, who'd placed himself on the couch between Joshima and Ohkura, was now sitting back with his arms stretched out across the back of the couch, seemingly oblivious to actually important conversations that were occurring in the room.

"Alright, I'll tell you." Matsuoka gave a little sigh, pausing for a moment to calm himself down. "Please, everyone... sit down."

Those not already seated moved to find seats as Matsuoka prepared himself.

"...now, I must confess to you all that I have lied tonight."

"I knew it!" Yoko sent him a stern glare.

Matsuoka disregarded it, however, and went on. "I was indeed Mr. Subaru's butler at one time, but... it hasn't been for some time. There were other... events that trigged the end of that servitude..." He began pacing about the front of the room, all eyes on him and moving left and right with his movements. "It was... when my wife ended her own life that my employment with this man came to an end."

Yasu appeared alarmed. "Why did she kill herself?"

Matsuoka was having a difficult time continuing his story. He brought a hand up to wipe at tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "She was in the same state as all of you... black-mailed by that man."

"That's horrible!" Joshima spoke up for the first time since his scene earlier. Nagase, who'd taken to staring at him quite acutely, shook his head out of his trance at the comment and sat up straight in his own seat.

"Yes! Horrible! He pounded his fist in his hand before shaking it in pain.

Matsuoka pursed his lips. "Mr. Subaru hated you. Hated all of you. Hated the things that you did hidden from the public eye in the kinds of positions that you had. So he wanted to put a stop to all of it... and if he made a little money in the process, all for the better, hm?"

"Well, I suppose I can't blame the man there..." Taichi cracked a tiny grin.

Ryo, however, just looked bored. "So what was your role in this entire escapade then?"

"I was also a victim, because my wife was. She..." Matsuoka became even more distressed, bringing a hand up to his face. "...she was friends with... Korean pop singers..."

There were gasps from all around the room.

"Oh Ai..." Matsuoka shook his head. "I... w-we all make mistakes, right? I..."

Joshima stood up from the couch and handed Matsuoka a tissue from his satchel.

"Thank you..." Matsuoka gave him a tiny smile before blowing into it noisily. He tried to hand it back but Joshima just smiled awkwardly and told him he could keep it.

"Anyway..." Matsuoka recomposed himself. "Mr. Subaru threatened her... that if she wouldn't give him the names of said artists that he would hand her over to the police, but of course she didn't, and so he blackmailed her. The both of us. We didn't have any money so we were forced to work for him free of charge... like slaves."

"...I like slaves..." Nagase's interest rose.

Taichi shot him a disgusted look and whapped the top of his head with his cane. "Not those types of slaves, pervert!"

Nagase just whined and rubbed his head.

"...after my wife killed herself, I... I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I had to do something. To justify what had been wronged and put Mr. Subaru where he rightfully belonged--behind bars. And I could free all of you as well. I... this was the best way I could think of to accomplish that. It seemed so simple..."

Yoko puffed silently on his pipe. "So that's it then. I guess it makes sense now..."

"Nothing makes sense at all!" Taichi turned his cane to Yoko this time, whapping the pipe out of his hand. "We still don't know who killed that blockhead!"

Yoko muttered a curse under his breath but didn't retort, simply bending down to grab his pipe.

"We need to figure it out in the next forty minutes before the police arrive..." Matsuoka glanced over at the clock over the mantel.

"E-eh!" Yasu cringed. "But how are we gonna do that? I mean... it could be any of you!"

Ryo glowered in Yasu's direction. "Any of us? What about yourself, stiff-shirt?"

"I didn't do it! I know!"

"Anyone can say they didn't do it! Even Dumbo over here." Taichi gestured towards Nagase, who was now wiggling about on the couch like a fish.

Matsuoka bit his lip. "Any of us could have done it. We all have as much motive as the next man."

"Is there anyone else it could have been? Someone else in the house?"

Ohkura and Matsuoka glanced at each other. "The cook!"

There was a flurry of activity and soon everyone had vacated the study once more, running across the hall, past the billiard room, and to the door at the farthest end, into the kitchen. In fact, they rushed in such a congealed group that upon reaching the door, none of them were even able to get inside except for Yasu who squeezed through into the front. He began looking around as the lot of them fell over each other and onto the kitchen tile.

"...there's no one here."

Ryo dusted himself off as he stood back up. "Where could he have gone?"

Nagase wrapped his hands around Ryo's thigh in order to pull himself up, which prompted the other man to knee him in the face in disgust.

Yasu walked further into the kitchen as they finally righted themselves, curiously checking the utensils and partially-prepared food which was still sitting on the counter.

At just that moment, the door to the freezer behind him creaked open with a horrible screech and Higashiyama's body came tumbling out on top of him.

There were screams from those still by the door, Ohkura covering his eyes and Joshima almost fainting on the spot.

Yasu panicked, attempting to throw the larger man's now limp body off his frame but having considerable trouble. "A... a little help here...?"

Those nearest Yasu rushed over to help before he turned into some sort of pancake, helping him to heave the body off and onto the floor. Higashiyama's vacant eyes stared up at them.

"That's awful!" Joshima looked away.

"Well, at least he's smiling!" Yoko grinned to himself.

"That's not a smile, that's some sort of... weird... grimace..." Taichi'd sat himself down on the counter and was prodding Higashiyama's body with his foot.

"Wait, how did he die?"

"He was stabbed in the back!"

"Oh, whoops..." Nagase cringed before kicking Higashiyama until he rolled over. Somehow the knife had managed to not get driven all the way through his corpse.

"Well, great. Now what do we do? Who's gonna turn up dead next?" Ryo crossed his arms in front of him.

"I'm stuck in here with a murderer!" Joshima was fanning himself now, though mostly people were just ignoring him.

Taichi promptly kicked Ryo in the rear. "As I remember, this here's the one who we should be worried about. Already done his own fair share of offing people, hm?"

Ryo whipped around to glare daggers at the other man. "I said no such thing!"

Yoko dusted off his pipe. "It was kind of implied from the conversation..."

"And we all know what comes from implications!" Yasu pointed a finger in the air.

"Mmm... implications..." Nagase patted his crotchal region.

Matsuoka walked through the door of the kitchen, hands held up and a rather annoyed expression gracing his face. "People, people, please... why don't we have this conversation in a more comfortable place, hm? We should take..." He looked down at Higashiyama and promptly grimaced. "...him... with us. Just to keep everyone together, hm?"

There was a murmur of consensus, and then the seemingly strongest ones of the bunch took various ends of Higashiyama, lifted him into the air as best as possible, and they all began their trek back to the study.

Upon arrival, Nagase in the front, promptly stopped, letting go of Higashiyama's shoulders with a great thump. The others quite nearly toppled over him.

"What's the hold-up, Mustard?" Yoko shot him a pained glance as now most of Higashiyama's back weight was on him.

"He's gone!"

"Who's gone?"

"Him!"

"The body?"

"That nice young man from earlier?"

"What's going on?!"

As Nagase wasn't moving, Ryo pushed his way through and shoved him out of the way, and then they were all clambering over Higashiyama's corpse to get into the room.

"Mr. Subaru!"

"He's gone!"

Yasu readjusted his glasses as if this would suddenly make the body reappear. "But... but he was dead!"

"Yeah, that's what we were told...!" Taichi looked pointedly towards Yoko, who was still trying to haul Higashiyama's lower-half into the room.

"I... I could have sworn he was dead! I-I mean..."

Matsuoka's eyebrows were furrowed as he scratched his chin. "Well, things have certainly begun to get interesting..."

"This isn't interesting! This is horrible! People are dying!" Yasu was waving his hands around spastically.

Still near the door, Joshima was fanning himself a bit faintly. "I... I, uh... I'm just gonna go... use the little girl's room?" He looked hopefully towards Matsuoka.

Matsuoka, in turn, gestured out the door. "Just down the hall and to the left, m'la-...sir." He coughed into his hand.

Joshima just giggled slightly off-kilter and left the room.

"Well, obviously he's still alive, right?" Taichi propped his foot up on the nearest sofa.

"No. He's dead and walking around." Ryo.

Nagase screamed. "Zombie man!"

Matsuoka brought his hands up again in an attempt to quiet everyone. "Everyone, everyone, please just... please just... calm dow--"

There was a high-pitched scream from out in the hall.

The room was perfectly still for a second. Then everyone was rushing out in a mad exodus, already horrified to what would await them outside.

What did await them was a squawking Joshima currently at battle with Subaru's body just outside the bathroom.

"Mr. Peacock!"

"It's Mr. Subaru!"

"Mr. Subaru is trying to have sexual relations with Mr. Peacock!"

"THE ZOMBIE IS GETTING ASS BEFORE ME." Nagase was the first one to the scene, throwing Subaru's body off and onto the floor. It fell with a pronounced thump, eyes open and staring at everyone as they gathered around.

Joshima wobbled on his feet, one hand to his forehead. "I... feel faint..."

Matsuoka was behind him in an instant. "Never fear. Fall into my arms."

Joshima fell through his arms and onto the floor with a plunk.

The rest of the guests were now surrounding Subaru's body, gazing with both curiosity and abject horror.

"He seems pretty dead this time..." Taichi kicked the side of the body's head, which now had a rather large gash running across the forehead.

"Why the hell would anyone want to kill him twice?" Ryo raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe someone just really hated him..." Yoko.

"Don't we all really hate him?" Taichi again. Yoko grimaced and looked back at the body.

"YOU CAN'T KILL THE UNDEAD." Nagase practically fell on Subaru's body and began promptly whacking its head on the floor again and again and again. "You've gotta be quick and nimble!"

The others turned away from the debacle to where Matsuoka was now attempting to pull Joshima to his feet.

"Who could possibly have done this?" Yoko bit down on his lip.

"Well, we all certainly have a motive..." Ryo.

"So was the bastard dead before or did someone just mutilate his corpse?" Taichi gestured back towards Subaru who was still getting throttled by Nagase.

Matsuoka straightened himself up instantly, pointing a finger upwards (and coincidentally letting Joshima fall back to the floor). "That's what we're trying to figure out, isn't it?"

Taichi twisted his finger in his ear. "Well, yeah but... dear god man, you don't need to shout."

Matsuoka's eyebrows narrowed. "I'm not shouting!" he shouted. "TAKE THIS EVIL ZOMBIE-LORD" coming from behind them. Matsuoka looked around, lips pursed. "Fine! I'm shouting! But it's only because I can barely hear myself think with all that racket coming from--"

The candlestick above the door promptly fell down on his head and knocked him out cold.

 

It took a little while for them to get both bodies all the way into the study. First they'd had to separate Nagase from the "zombie", then they'd attempted to carry said body back into the study before realizing they'd left Higashiyama's body in the doorway. Thus, they then had to put down Subaru's body in order to regulate half of them to the body blocking their path, while the other's resituated themselves in order to carry all the weight by themselves.

Of course, Matsuoka just watched from behind them.

And Joshima was still too faint to be of much help. But this is implying that he would have been help even if he hadn't been faint, which clearly wasn't the case.

"What do we do with the bodies?" Yoko grunted beneath Higashiyama's shoulders.

"...the sofa?" Taichi's face was buried in Subaru's crotch.

There was a moment of silence, as if Yoko needed time to think, and then he was directing them in the direction of the sofa. Ohkura was making little 'oomph' noises every time a tiny bit of the weight from Higashiyama's body rested on him too heavily.

"We can't just sit him back though. The knife'll get pushed further in."

Yoko felt a drop of sweat roll down his temple as he surveyed the couch. "...right. Well. We'll just..." He maneuvered Higashiyama's front end towards the arm of the couch, and with the other's help, was able to get it balanced over the side. "...that should be fine, right?"

Those behind him with Subaru's body followed quickly, plopping it down on the sofa next to Higashiyama's and promptly pushing Yoko down with it so that he was positioned quite neatly between the two.

He looked like he was going to become ill.

"Alright, then." Ryo stood up with a look of determination on his face. "First off... who had the knife?"

There was much glancing about the room. Finally, all eyes went to Joshima, who was sitting on the arm of the other sofa, fanning himself while gazing off at the wall.

"Peacock!"

Joshima eeped, falling backwards and across Taichi's lap. The man in question just smirked down at him lecherously.

"I-...it wasn't me! I dropped it! Anyone could have picked it up!" He batted at Taichi's hand which had "innocently" found itself near his rear-end.

"And the candlestick?" Yasu this time.

Taichi looked up. "Same here. I left it on a table when we all ran to check on Mr. Maid over there. Anyone here could have grabbed it."

Joshima took Taichi's moment of distraction to roll off onto the floor with a dull thud.

"So any one of you could be the murderer!" Ryo pointed accusingly around the room.

At this Yoko stood up defiantly from the sofa. "Any one of us? What about yourself?"

Ryo pushed his face up against Yoko's. "I know I didn't do it!"

"I didn't--" Yasu stepped forward and fell over Joshima's body which was still sprawled across the floor. "...either..."

Matsuoka raised his voice, standing in the middle of the room with his arms spread. "Alright, alright, let's not just go around pointing fingers. At this point, everyone is a subject."

Joshima looked up dejectedly. "Then what are we gonna do?"

Nagase raised his hand like a school-child. "Look, I'm just sayin'... nobody ever wants to kill anyone at orgies. I think it's a good idea."

Taichi thumped his cane in Nagase's crotch and the other man let out a gasp. "Actually, just thinking about being anywhere near your dick makes me feel quite murderous, thank you very much."

Ohkura fretted and began patting down his hair. "I didn't know there were going to be those kinds of activities tonight...! I didn't prepare at all!"

Ryo raised his hands up in defense. "Look, just 'cuz you all will swing that way, doesn't mean everyone will!"

"I admit I'm not used to it either, but I can't say I'm not up for something new..." Yoko puffed on his pipe as he polished his glasses bemusedly.

Joshima simply crawled up and clutched fearfully on Matsuoka's leg. "Matsuoka, don't let them take advantage of me!"

Matsuoka felt like he was going crazy. "People, people, people!" He had his hands up again. "Nobody is going to be fucking anyone, alright?" Nagase lowered his head dejectedly at this. "As I was going to say before the conversation grew wildly out of hand, what we need to do is eliminate these weapons from the picture. Once they're gone, we'll be able to investigate exactly what happened here in a much safer environment."

Taichi poked his hat up so he could see better. "And how exactly are we gonna do that?"

Matsuoka brandished a key from his pocket. "We'll simply lock them up!" And then, after carefully sliding his foot out of Joshima's grip, he made a trip around the room and gathered up all the weapons that Subaru and bequeathed to them not more than half an hour ago. Making it back to his previous location, he then stuffed them all into the cupboard leaning against the wall and turned the key in the lock with a little jerk.

Everyone watched him for a moment. Then Yoko raised an eyebrow and took a step forward. "Wait a minute, what are you gonna do with that key?"

"Why, I was going to keep it in my pocket, of course."

Ryo glared at him. "But what if you're the murderer?!"

Matsuoka looked taken aback. "But I'm not!"

"We don't know that!" Taichi pointed his cane at him accusingly.

Matsuoka wasn't quite sure what to do, glancing about at all the faces of the guests. "Alright then... we'll get rid of the key!"

There was a mass chorus of agreement, and then the entire group was racing out of the hall towards the front door. Matsuoka made it there first, key still gripped in his hand as he took a hold of the door and yanked it open, fully prepared to toss it out.

Except instead of the empty doorstep that he expected there was a man standing there, his hand up and having just been about to knock on the door.

Everyone behind Matsuoka slammed into each other in an effort to stop. Ryo grunted angrily. Joshima squeaked as he got sandwiched between people. Nagase farted.

The man at the door appeared extremely confused, eyes narrowing in alarm at the speed and violence with which the entire household had seemed to appear.

"I-I'm not, uh... disturbing anything, am I? I mean... you didn't all have to come..."

Matsuoka put on his widest grin, pocketing the key as he spread his arms welcoming. "Of course not, of course not, it's fine. Is there, uh... is there something we can do for you?"

Sakamoto readjusted the hat on his head nervously, eyes still flitting around from one person to the next.

Somebody groped Joshima's ass either purposefully or on accident. Joshima bitched sharply at no one in particular.

"Well, it's just, my car died and I have no way to get a hold of anyone. I was just wondering if I could use your..." Sakamoto lifted an eyebrow as Nagase began panting at him from the entryway. "...phone."

"Phone! Phone. Of course. The phone!" Matsuoka tilted his head with unbridled happiness and pleasure.

"He can't come in!"

"Of course he can!"

"What about the-"

"Please, do come in, sir." Matsuoka didn't move even as he said it, which just prompted another awkward glance from Sakamoto.

"Th-thank you, I..." He looked around. "Um, where exactly... is it...?"

"Where's what?"

"There's no bodies here!" This was Nagase.

"Bodies?"

"He said there were no bodies!" Matsuoka tensed.

"Well, that's good and all, but-"

"The lounge, uh, there's a... a phone in the lounge." This time Matsuoka actually took Sakamoto's sleeve and helped him into the entryway, the other's parting like a sea and forming a strange blob-like shape around him.

Sakamoto continued to glance around almost fearfully by this point. "Thank... you?"

And with that Matsuoka led him straight to the lounge, promptly locking the door behind him.

At which point, Ryo marched up to Matsuoka and put his foot down hard. "What did you do with the key?"

"What key?"

"The key!" Yasu stepped forward as well, puffing his chest out as much as possible.

"Ah, you mean... it's here in my pocket." Matsuoka glanced down, then realized what they were inferring. "Oh, did you still want me to throw it away?"

The entire group around him shouted in affirmation.

Matsuoka responded by stepping swiftly back over to the door, unpocketing the key and tossing it out into the rain.

When he came back in, everyone was standing around awkwardly, not saying anything, and making no motions to head anywhere new.

Joshima pushed a lock of hair behind his ear. "...so what now?"

Yasu straightened his collar. "Well. We still haven't figured anything out. And now there's a man in the study."

Ohkura covered his face. "We're going to diiiieee..."

"No, we're not!" Nagase raised his fist triumphantly, and everyone turned to look at him in wonder and near admiration at the sudden resolution and sincerity in his voice. "Not! Until I get a drink." And then he took off for the library.

There was a collective groan as they all followed behind.

"Fucking drunk pervert..." Taichi rolled his eyes, cane gripped under his arm as he walked.

By the time they'd all gotten there, the whiskey bottle was half empty, of which Nagase insisted it had been like that before he'd gotten there and proceeded to pour himself anoth-... his first glass.

Ryo stood to his right, glaring. "You know, other people might like to have a drink too."

"Oh. Well why didn't you say something?" Nagase poured a teaspoon of whiskey into a new glass and handed it over with a smile like it was share-time at kindergarten.

Yoko pointed back towards the door as everyone "settled in" as well as they could. "What are we going to do with the man in the study?"

"We should never have let him in!" Taichi's mouth lowered in a frown.

"Well, it wouldn't do to leave him out in the rain." Matsuoka countered.

Ryo downed his miniscule amount of whiskey. "The longer he's here, the more chance he has of finding out about everything."

"But throwing him out would just make him suspicious!" Yasu.

"Maybe he'd be up for the orgy!" Nagase grinned up at the ceiling.

Taichi beamed him across the head with his cane. "For the last time, nobody wants to have sex with you!"

"No one living that is." Matsuoka smirked.

Yoko leaned against one of the bookshelves. "Yeah, go have fun with the bodies in the study if you're so desperate."

By this time, Joshima was pulling at his hair. "Would everyone just shut up?! What does this even matter! That guy doesn't matter! Sex doesn't matter! I'm never gonna be with Tatsuya again at this rate - the police are going to be here and there's two dead people in the other roooooom!" His rant grew higher and higher pitched before ending in a helpless wail.

Taichi turned his cane on Joshima for the first time, promptly knocking him down to the floor. "Get a hold of yourself, woman! The only one giving us away now is you!"

Yoko rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "Well, is there anyone else in this house? Anyone at all?"

Matsuoka shook his head. "There were only the three of us."

"But is there a chance someone could have snuck in?" Yasu cocked his head impertinently.

"Well, how am I to know? Am I Cyber Butler of the Future?" Matsuoka just raised an eyebrow.

Taichi snapped his middle finger up. "No need to get smart, butler-man."

Nagase just stared at Matsuoka wide-eyed. "You're from the future?"

"Would everyone just shut up already?" Ryo pounded his foot down in the middle of the room, glancing around in frustration. "Listen... the best thing I can think of for us to do is search the house. If there is someone else here, we might all be in danger, plus finding them would get all of us off the hook."

"But we'll never be able to search the whole house before the police arrive." Yasu was polishing his glasses.

Ryo poked a finger up methodically. "We'll split up."

This instantly panicked Joshima. "S-split up?! What if one of us is the murderer?"

"Then I guess we'll know who the murderer is then..." Taichi chuckled under his breath.

"You're only saying this because you're the one who did it, aren't you?" Yoko pointed his now long-smoldered pipe at Ryo.

To which Ryo took immediate offense. "I'm doing nothing of the sort!"

Nagase was grinning rather slovenly over by the table. "I like splitting up..."

"This is a horrible plan! I'm scared of the dark!" Ohkura threw his hands up in the air.

"People, people, people..." Matsuoka held his hands out until everyone started yelling around the room. "I agree that this might be one of our best plans at this point."

Yoko stepped back with a pout. Ryo just grinned in victory.

Joshima looked about ready to cry. "Don't make me go with him, h-h-he'll DO things to me..." He pointed shakily towards Nagase, who simply looked hurt and appalled before trying to brush his hair back sophisticatedly.

"We'll draw lots for partners. That way it will be fair - no one can say anything about foul play." Matsuoka raised an eyebrow, looking around the room again as if to stave off disagreement, then found a bundle of long matchsticks from over near the fireplace. "Come - to the kitchen."

The air was strangely awkward as they made their way out of the room and back down the hallway, no one quite sure what to say in response to this new solution. At the same time, no one was really apt to go against it either, as it was fairly inevitable by this point, and there was nothing else for them to do either.

In the kitchen, Matsuoka took out a long knife and systematically cut the matchsticks into four pairs of different lengths before situating them in their hands so as to disguise each match's length.

"Alright now. Those who match will be paired, from longest to shortest. How about those with the shortest start in the cellar and we'll just start up from there?"

There was a murmur of agreement, then everyone's hands reached towards the matchsticks.

As each guest chose, they began comparing theirs with the others', maneuvering sometimes awkwardly through the bunch to allow those that hadn't chosen yet to get to the front.

Taichi and Nagase compared their sticks.

They matched.

Taichi groaned in immediate displeasure. Nagase pouted.

"Can we re-choose?"

"Yeah, I don't wanna get whacked anymore. Besides, this match isn't nearly long enough to thoroughly represent me."

Matsuoka rolled his eyes. "There will be no re-choosing of matchsticks!"

Yasu eyed his extra-long matchstick uncertainly, glancing around at the rest of the guests. Ohkura smiled sweetly and held up his own uncut matchstick, which resulted in a sigh from Yasu.

Ryo stepped over to Matsuoka once all the matchsticks had been chosen aside from the last one. Theirs matched. And further back in the bunch, Yoko walked through the already-made pairs until he found Joshima in the rear, matching their sticks together.

Joshima sighed with relief, then seemed to remember that Yoko had been the one accused of playing around with his patient and eyed him warily.

Yoko just tried to smile hopefully. "D-don't worry, I promise I'm not at all interested."

"That's what he says!" Nagase's voice came from a few feet away.

To which Yoko immediately glared back, stomping on the ground and pointing his matchstick. "You know, not everyone is a disgusting pervert like you!"

Nagase responded by grumbling under his breath, too annoyed at his current situation to carry on the argument any further. He returned to glaring at Taichi. Taichi swung his cane up to hit him in the crotch.

From there, it didn't take long for each of the pairs to start on their separate ways. Joshima and Yoko, having the shortest sticks, cautiously made their way down to the cellar, Yoko popping the light on as they began their descent down the stairs. Matsuoka, Ryo, Yasu and Ohkura all started up the steps, both Yasu and Ohkura continuing up the next flight while the other two stayed to begin searching the rooms on that level. Nagase and Taichi remained on the ground floor, Taichi accidentally stepping on Nagase's foot at one point before Nagase accidentally clocked Taichi's face with his elbow.

Taichi responded by whipping his cane around and pointing it menacingly in Nagase's face. "Do that again and this'll be up your ass, buster."

"As if I'm scared by a tiny red man who's half my size!" Nagase towered down over Taichi.

Both of them continued to glare before breaking it off at the same time with identical pouts.

"Whatever. Where are we gonna search, buttfuck?" Nagase glowered in the general direction of the study.

"Well, not the study, duh. We already know what's there. And we can't go in the lounge where priss-pants is."

"Fine then. We'll go to the pool room."

"I think it's billiard room..."

"I think it's 'I'm gonna poke your eyes out you whiny rat-weasel' room."

The two of them took off for the billiard room.

Outside it continued to storm, the thunder echoing through the house, seeming louder now that each of the guests were quite a bit more alone than before and the conversations had all but died.

Up in the stairwell to the attic, Yasu and Ohkura were standing at the bottom and simply staring up into the darkness, wide-eyed.

"...I don't like the dark." Ohkura's voice came out tiny and almost silent.

"The, uh... the darkness can't hurt you, right?"

"Right."

"So it's fine, just, uh... just go."

"Fuck that."

Matsuoka and Ryo were, at that same time, speculating on the two rooms now before them, both of them dark, laced in shadow, and only lit up every couple of seconds by the lightning coming in from the windows.

"I'll take the one on the right..." Matsuoka chewed on his lip nervously.

"Why do you get the one on the right?"

"Well, it's not like it matters. Do you want me to take the left?"

"Oh, so now you want the left?"

"Goddammit, I don't care! Which would you rather search?" Matsuoka snapped his head to glare at him.

"Don't get testy with me, good sir. I'm not about to have you come stab me in the back while I'm alone and trapped in a dark room!" Ryo ground his teeth together.

"But the knife is still in the cook's back..."

Ryo blinked, stupefied. "Ah. You make a good point."

"Carry on, then?"

"Carry on."

Both of them chose a room and stepped inside.

In the billiard room, Nagase was checking out the stockpile of liquor behind the bar area. Taichi was absentmindedly hitting a few of the pool balls with his cane and watching them roll around.

"There's no one here."

"Excellent..." Nagase pocketed one of the mini-vodka bottles.

Taichi threw a pool ball at his head. "Stop that and help me search!"

"You just said there was no one here!"

"Well, then let's go to another room!"

Nagase stormed out of the bar and picked up a pool ball of his own off the table, promptly throwing it at Taichi's face. Taichi barely dodged, then growled angrily and picked up two more. Nagase followed suit.

There were two identical cries of pain followed by two loud thumps and four sharp thuds.

Down in the cellar, Joshima had just stepped nervously off the bottom step, eyes searching the room hesitantly and trying to peer off into the dark corners.

A mouse chirped cheerily as it ran across his feet and towards the cupboards.

Joshima promptly screamed, rushing backwards and straight into Yoko, both of them falling back on the steps with a horrible clunk and Yoko conking his head hard on the wood.

"Peacock!"

Joshima grinned sheepishly and held his hands up in an apologetic manner, until he realized he was in Yoko's lap and scurried straight up, dusting himself off with an irritated hmph.

Yoko rolled his eyes before pulling himself up behind the other man, adjusting his glasses as the nervousness from earlier returned. He swallowed hard as the darkness around them seemed to permeate from every wall.

"I'm... I'm coming in!" Matsuoka put on his most tense face before opening the door in front of him, everything around him in complete darkness save the faint light coming in from the storm outside. His heart skipped a beat at the sudden movement that resulted from his opening the door, eyes widening with surprise.

Then yelped out in pain as an ironing board fell out of the closet and whacked him on the forehead.

In the room next door, Ryo turned on his feet at the sound of Matsuoka's yelp, his heart already beating just a tad bit too loud in his chest. "Are... are you alright?"

He waited motionlessly for an answer, and when one didn't come even after a good number of moments had passed, the uneasy feeling in his stomach only worsened. He moved forward again, making his way over to a wall. Feeling around with his hands, he tried to make his way along said wall to see if there was a door or something else that he could search inside.

With a boom of thunder, a bolt of lightning lit up the sky, at the same time, lighting up the room with a flash of light.

And with the light, Ryo saw a face looming in front of him, staring back at him gaunt-eyed and terrifying.

He screamed high-pitched and loud, hands to his face as he dashed backwards and immediately fell back over a footstool, landing with his ass in the air.

Another bolt of lightning revealed that it had, in fact, been a mirror.

Outside a short ways from the house, a police car came trucking down the road, headlights reflecting off the rain as it drove through the storm. When it reached a rather dysfunctional-looking car still parked along the side of the road, it stopped, backed up, stopped again, and then finally the lights went off altogether.

A rumpled police officer chugged his way out of one side of his car, scratching his nose as he turned his flashlight on to peer into the abandoned car. The rain pelted down on his plastic-covered hat.

At the same time, Sakamoto was nervously talking on the phone in the lounge, eyes shooting back and forth as his voice instinctively stayed at a low whisper.

"I'm telling you, something really weird is going on here. It's starting to freak me out." He twirled his finger around the phone cord, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Behind him, the fireplace was slowly, ever so slowly, starting to revolve.

"Yeah, there's a whole bunch of people here, I'm not-... yeah, yeah. I don't know, some kind of a party, maybe. Though they were acting incredibly just... weird. Awkward. I don't know, when they answered the door..."

The fireplace was completely turned around now.

"And it was actually, yeah, one of the guys? He was my old boss. Back from--"

There was a horrific thunk as wrench met head, and then Sakamoto slumped to the ground, followed by the phone.

With the utmost of quiet, the phone was replaced back in its cradle.

Continuing on to the conservatory, Taichi and Nagase were now looking around curiously at the abundant, yet rather frightening plant-life proliferating the room. Taichi prodded a particularly large, vined plant with his cane, making a face as it wiggled at the touch.

"This place is startin' to freak me out, man..."

"Starting to? You mean you weren't freaked out when people started dying?" Taichi started examining some shelves. It was quite obvious that neither one of them really remembered what they were looking for at this point.

"Well, I didn't really like any of 'em anyway, so." Nagase rubbed at his stubble.

"Oh, so what. I'm next then?" Taichi shot him a dirty look.

"I didn't say I killed them, just that I didn't care that they died!" Nagase actually turned towards him at this.

"Then if we're attacked, you'd just let me die?"

"I thought that was obvious!"

Taichi promptly rammed into Nagase and pushed him back into the wall before bludgeoning his face with his cane over and over again.

Nagase yelped in pain before the yelp turned into one of surprise as the wall behind him opened suddenly and he fell right through.

There was a poof of dust as his giant of a body collapsed into the secret hallway.

Taichi just stared wide-eyed at the new passageway, uncontrolled rage disappearing in an instant.

"Whoa..." Taichi mouthed.

"Owwww..." Nagase groaned.

After much complaining and getting poked in the ass with Taichi's cane, Nagase finally got moving down the passage, nearly tripping once or twice and ramming his head on the crossbeams above them because he was such a freaking giant. Taichi followed rather nervously behind, constantly checking behind him to make sure no one was following them.

"Hey, Little Red."

"Don't call me that, nimrod."

Nagase ignored him. "If we get out of here alive..." He yelped as he hit another crossbeam. "...will you give me a discount?"

"Is this some kind of proposition, or are you simply getting sentimental?"

"Neither. I'm just horny."

They made it to the end of the darkened hallway. They knew it was the end because Nagase ran straight into it and made a hollow conking noise.

"Is this a dead end?" Taichi asked from behind.

"I don't knoooow... how am I supposed to know?!"

"Feel around for a switch or something. You're good at feeling around."

"I hate this dumb house!" Nagase punched the wall, seething with anger and unadulterated hate.

With a little grumble, the wall suddenly began to move, swinging around until the hallway filled with light and both of them found themselves in the lounge.

The lounge which now contained a very dead Sakamoto, bleeding and lying on the ground.

Nagase screamed like a woman and backed straight into the wall. Taichi felt like his heart practically leapt out of his chest, hyperventilating as he held his cane up as some kind of defense weapon.

"Dear god!"

The fireplace slid shut behind them.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD." Nagase started jumping around frantically.

"The door, where's the door?!" Taichi raced across the room and tried to yank the door open, but it was locked. He began yelling for help and slamming his shoulder into the side.

Up above, both of their screams were now echoing through the rest of the house, and from all corners the guests began reappearing, racing up and down stairs and out of rooms in a state of panic.

Yasu and Ohkura ran down the stairs from the attic and promptly fell right into Matsuoka and Ryo who came out of the bedrooms. All four went sprawling on the carpet.

"What's going on?" Ryo tried to drag himself to his feet.

"Who's screaming?" Ohkura rolled away and hit his head on the banister.

"Downstairs!" Matsuoka was the first to successfully stand up, pointing a finger upwards shakily before staggering his way down the remaining stairs. Joshima and Yoko had just made their way up out of the cellar, clambering over each other as Joshima fretted with his hands to his face.

"The lounge?" Yoko pointed questioningly.

"We're coming!" Yasu ran at the door a bit too fast and whacked his head with a sharp thwack.

Nagase and Taichi continued to scream from the other side, Nagase's sounding more and more like a dying animal as he desperately slung himself against the door.

"Listen to them, they're dying!" Joshima practically started crying. "Somebody open the door!"

Yoko tried yanking it open. "It's locked!"

"Where's the key?" Ryo this time.

Matsuoka searched his pockets frantically. "I-it's gone!"

Nagase made a strangled noise and began beating his head against the door.

"SOMEBODY'S KILLING THEM." Joshima started spinning in little circles until he got too close to the banister and knocked himself out cold.

"I have no choice!" Matsuoka set his jaw tight, bracing himself, then charged full-speed at the door with his shoulder. He bounced off the door and knocked himself out as well.

Yasu started screaming now as well for no reason at all. Ryo grabbed the lapels of the other's jacket and shook him with a jerk. "Pull yourself together, you idiot! You're not helping anything!"

"Everyone watch out!"

Ohkura ran out from the study, holding the gun from earlier up above his head with a triumphant grin.

Those not already unconscious stared in wide-eyed fear. And for good reason because with a little "whoops", Ohkura accidentally set the gun off prematurely and a bullet went shooting up to the ceiling, gracing the cord keeping the giant chandelier in place above them.

Inside the lounge, Taichi and Nagase stopped screaming and looked at each other in horror.

"Dear god!"

"Dear god!" This time from back outside the lounge as Matsuoka got shakily back to his feet and stared in fear at Ohkura.

"Don't worry, I got this!" Ohkura just smiled and proceeded to point the gun at the door to the lounge, letting off two shots.

On the other side, Nagase jerked backwards, eyes going up in his head before falling back to the floor with a gurgle. Taichi's eyes opened wide in terror.

"You killed him!"

Nagase raised an arm slowly, shakily. "Whiskey... need more... whiskey..."

Taichi stomped down on his stomach with an annoyed glare.

"Come out, come out, come out~!" Ohkura waved the gun around his head, which made everyone in the hallway hit the decks. Taichi and Nagase finally staggered their way back out of the lounge.

"What the fuck are you idiots doing?" Taichi wiped at his mouth with a growl.

"I'm verklempt! Someone help me, I can't go on!" Nagase flung himself about haphazardly and then fell conveniently on Joshima's still passed-out body which he'd just noticed.

Taichi marched up to Ohkura, pointing his cane in the other's face. "You almost killed us, you asswipe!"

Ohkura raised his hands in defense, dropping the gun in the process. "But I had to get you out!"

"By shooting us! The fuck, man! One of those coulda gone right through my head!"

"And oh, the horror that would have been..." Matsuoka rolled his eyes before dusting off his pants.

"I heard that, butler-man." Taichi turned his head, eyes ablaze.

Yasu cleaned his glasses on his tie, then glanced down at Nagase and promptly slapped his across the forehead. "Stop groping Mr. Peacock!"

Nagase pouted and put Joshima's body back on the ground, just as the other man groggily woke up from his concussion and instinctively pushed a lock of hair behind his ear with a little moan.

Taichi threw his hat on the ground. "Ugh, I can't take this anymore! Everyone in this house is a fucking lunatic! If one more crazy-ass thing happens I'm gonna-"

The cord that had been holding the chandelier up finally unraveled and the entire thing came crashing to the ground.

Taichi jumped in the air about five feet.

Joshima stared at it wordless and wide-eyed.

Ryo lit a cigarette.

"GOD...FUCKING...DAMMIT." Taichi sat down immediately in the nearest chair and held his head in his hands.

Nagase seemed to remember something. "Oh yeah, that guy's dead!"

"Guy, what gu-... oh, him?" Matsuoka went from quizzical to worried in less than a second. Everyone else looked around worried and confused, so Nagase pushed himself to his feet and led them all back into the lounge.

Where Sakamoto was still lying dead on the floor.

Nagase prodded him with his foot, earlier hysteria apparently gone now that he felt safe again.

Yasu narrowed his eyes in concern. "Which one of you guys killed him?"

"So much blood..." Joshima covered his mouth.

Taichi limped over from behind the group. "We didn't kill him! He was dead when we got there!"

Ryo turned around and poked him hard in the chest. "How did you get in? The door was locked!"

"There was a mystical, secret passage!" Nagase waggled his fingers in the air all creepy-like.

Ryo immediately turned back to Nagase. "A likely story..."

Yoko was still staring off at the gun that was lying on the floor. "Wait, is that the same gun that... from earlier...?

Everyone's interest turned to the gun, then to Ohkura who was standing totally innocent by the doorway.

"I thought the cupboard was locked!" Joshima swallowed hard in worry.

Ohkura just shook his head. "It was unlocked! I was gonna break it open or something, but when I went to open it, it was already unlocked!"

At just that moment, the doorbell rang again.

There was a collective gasp among the guests.

"Great, now what?" Taichi was repositioning his hat on his head.

"Do we answer it?" Ryo glanced to Yasu and Matsuoka on his either side.

"M-maybe they'll go away..." Joshima cringed and side-eyed the door.

The doorbell rang again.

No one said a word.

No one even breathed.

Again. A third time.

"Goddammit!" Nagase growled indignantly.

"Fine, fine, I'll get it!" Yasu dusted off the front of his suit jacket, held his hand out to get the key from Matsuoka, and purposefully made his way to the door.

Before Ryo pulled back on him with an angry jerk. "You idiot, you can't answer it!"

Yasu flicked his hand away, glaring back fiercely enough that even Ryo had to back away just a bit. "I have absolutely nothing to hide! Why shouldn't I open it?"

And then he walked briskly off, unlocking the door before taking hold of both of the handles and pulling the doors open with a loud creak.

The policeman from earlier stood on the stoop, looking in unassumedly and very wet.

Yasu promptly closed the doors.

Hina, on the other side, blinked in confusion.

Before the doors were just as quickly opened back up.

Yasu smiled pleasantly. "Hello officer, is there something I can help you with?" The rest of the guests had gathered behind him by this point.

Hina just narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I, uh... I'm sorry to disturb you folks, but it's just that I found an abandoned car just down the street from here. Was wondering if perhaps the owner of said car made his way over here for help or something." 

Everyone behind Yasu vehemently shook their heads with a chorus of 'no's.

Yasu blinked and continued to smile. "Actually, yes."

The 'no's were repeated much louder this time.

Hina's confused face grew even more confused. "Is there some kind of... disagreement here?"

The chorus of 'no's returned.

Yasu's pleasant smile turned even more forcefully pleasant. "Yes."

Hina rapped him on the head with his clipboard.

Yasu rubbed his head with a pout.

"Anyway, is it alright if I come in and use your phone? I need to call the station."

Matsuoka pushed the still pouting Yasu aside, a big smile of his own on his face. "Of cooourse, of course, officer. Please do come in and get out of the rain. You can use the, um, the uh..." He looked around worriedly for a moment, then instantly returned to his smile. "...the library, of course, what was I thinking?"

Hina shrugged with another confused look and followed Matsuoka inside as the door swung shut behind him.

All the guests stayed strangely close as he walked to the middle of the hall, each of them attempting to give off innocent smiles of their own.

Hina's eyebrows furrowed even further. "...is there something going on here or something? You all seem... well..."

Matsuoka linked arms with the officer, pulling him along even quicker. "You'll have to excuse them. Everyone's in a bit of a tiff right now after that chandelier fell. Scared us all to bits!"

He led him into the library, ushering him over to the table and offering a drink before closing the door and locking it behind him.

Hina stared incredulously at the now-locked door, not entirely sure what to make of it. He walked over hesitantly, trying the handle for himself to make sure it was really locked, then shook his head with a little jerk. He opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again. Then finally walked back to the phone, just about to pick it up as it began ringing again right under his hand.

He looked back at the door, then to the phone, then shrugged again and picked it up.

"Hello?"

His eyes narrowed as he listened, nose squished up in concentration. "...so who can I say is calling?" He blinked, slightly startled, then continued on. "Hold, please."

He walked back over to the locked door and immediately began pounding on it like his life depended on it.

"Goddammit, will someone let me out of here?! You have absolutely no right to hold a police officer in here, I'll get all of you for... for whatever I can, you hear? Wrongful imprisonment, obstructing an officer in the course of his duty!" He shoved his shoulder into the side with everything he had. "And murder!"

The door opened with a start.

It opened so fast, in fact, that Hina's fist came down and hit the smiling Yasu's face with a resolute thud and knocked him unconscious to the ground.

The rest of the party behind him just stared wordlessly. Hina blinked.

Finally, Matsuoka stepped forward once more, pushing Yasu's body away with his shoe. He laughed a bit nervously. "Whatever could you mean by 'murder'?"

Hina raised both eyebrows in an incredulous look. "I only said it so you'd open the door. Is there something you'd like to tell m-"

Yasu started to get up and say something. Matsuoka thumped him back to the floor with his foot.

"Of course, not! What are you talking about?"

Hina's expression didn't change. "...anyway, why the hell did you lock me in?" He growled under his breath. "Also you have a phone call." He gestured flippantly back with his hand.

This was Matsuoka's turn to look surprised, and he gazed blankly back at the officer. "Oh. I see. Right."

Hina stepped all the way outside of the library before they could shut the door back on him, and Matsuoka took his place inside. "This will take but a moment..." And then he reclosed the doors, leaving Hina outside with the still confused group of guests, Yasu at least finally getting shakily back to his feet.

A few awkward moments passed.

Hina finally crossed his arms in front of him incredulously. "Alright now, just what's going on here?"

There was nervous laughter from around him. Taichi sauntered up, seductively twisting his cane in the cord of the police whistle around Hina's neck, pulling him a bit closer.

"We're having a party..."

Nagase, thinking to help the cause, popped forward. "Yeah, it's my birthday!"

Ryo elbowed him in the gut where Hina couldn't see.

Joshima sidled up next to Hina as well, half leaning up on his shoulder. "It's a special occasion."

Hina opened his mouth but nothing came out, looking back and forth from Taichi to Joshima. "I, uh... is it alright if I look around a bit?"

"Of course, of course!" Taichi patted the officer's cap, at the same time shooting a look of terror at the guests behind him. "Uh, well... Mr. Green! Mr. Green, why don't you show him around?"

Yasu had just fully righted himself, still attempting to straighten his hair as Taichi moved over, taking him hard by the arm with the most pleasant of smiles.

"I can?"

"Yes, yes, it'll be wonderful. You know this house so well, you know."

Ryo patted Yasu on the back encouragingly. "Yeah, it's practically yours, right?"

Yasu blinked, still looking confused, but finally coming along with Taichi over to Hina. "...oh... yes..."

Nagase glanced up around the hallway, his eyes wide, before he hit his head with the palm of his hand. "This is Mr. Green's house?"

"I'm sure you'd love to see the kitchen, right, Officer?"

"Yes...?"

"See, go show him the kitchen!" Taichi patted both of them off and the guests watched as they headed off in the opposite direction.

As soon as they were gone, the smile left his face, and he turned around with a jerk. "Alright, come on, guys."

Yasu led Hina through the kitchen, the dining room, and then into the ball room, all the while awkwardly tugging at the lapels of his suit jacket.

"This is where we... eat. Meals. Like breakfast."

Hina stared at him in disbelief.

Back in the lounge and study, the guests were running around frantically, doors slamming as everyone tried to make preparations.

"...well, lunch too. And dinner. Sometimes we even have snacks." Yasu awkwardly ran his hand over the back of one of the nearby chairs.

Hina hit him on the head with his clipboard.

Yasu whined and held his head as Hina left the stupidity of the dining room and made his way back to the hall.

"I wanna know what's in those two rooms." He gestured towards the two not-suspicious-at-all closed doors on either side of the hall.

Yasu forced a laugh as he hurried along behind, anxious to get the officer away. "Oh, those doors... well, there's really nothing of any importance behind those. Nothing at all."

"Then there should be no problem with me looking inside!" Hina took off for the door to the study before Yasu could stop him.

"N-no!" Yasu darted forward, footsteps echoing loudly as he dashed to block the door with his body. "You really shouldn't go in there."

"Why not?" Hina narrowed his eyes incredulously.

"You wouldn't like what you'd see."

"I've seen a lot." Hina raised an eyebrow. "Now let me in."

"I'm telling you!"

Hina pushed Yasu aside with a huff, and the green-suited man went easily, eyes wide in horror as he watched the officer open the door and step inside.

The first thing to notice was the music, drifting out cheerily from a nearby record player, and instantly turning the room into some kind of festive salsa party. Something about burning with desire and a "Venus". The author would like to ask the reader to suspend their belief for a bit that a song in Japanese would not have existed in New England and to simply accept the cleverly inserted reference with a grain of salt.

On the big sofa, Nagase was sitting back with a particularly lascivious smile on his face, both his arms reached across the back cushions with Subaru's body lying lengthwise and his head resting in Nagase's lap. To Nagase's either side, Ohkura and Joshima had coquettishly placed themselves in the nooks of his arms, macking on the sides of his face and neck, hands running up and down his chest, Ohkura lacing his fingers through his hair and giggling as he licked up his nose. Joshima's other hand was running through Subaru's corpse's hair, making sure that his head-wound couldn't be seen from the door.

Across the couch on the small loveseat, Higashiyama's body had been propped up against the arm and covered with ruffled sheets to give the illusion of a dress, Ryo straddled across it and trying to suck in his vomit as he caressed the corpse's head and buried his face in its nose to keep its true identity from being revealed.

Hina stared at the sight, saying nothing.

Yasu was also wordless, not quite able to believe what he was seeing. His glasses fell down the bridge of his nose.

"What about this wouldn't I like?" And then Hina was moving again, making his way crisply back across the hall to the other room. Once Yasu was able to tear his eyes away from the sight in the study, he noticed Hina and gave a little eep, running after him.

Just as he'd caught up, Hina pulled the door to the lounge open, stepping inside and giving it the same look as he had the last room.

Not more than ten seconds earlier, Taichi'd been running around haphazardly, stretching Sakamoto's corpse down over the couch in the lounge before opening the nearby bottle of whiskey and scattering it all over the body. His eyes began searching around in fear until he seemed to remember something, then grabbed the hat off his own head, covered Sakamoto's face with it, then made sure the body's hand was dangling off the edge and propped his cane halfway in its grip.

When he looked back to Yoko, the other man just returned the look at a complete loss, looking for an answer as to what he should do.

Taichi cringed, grit his teeth together, then grabbed the lapels of Yoko's suit jacket and pushed him backwards until he hit the wall, arms moving to his legs and lifting him up so he was situated quite nicely against it.

At that moment, the door opened and Hina walked in.

Taichi's face turned to one of forced surprise, head swiveling around to face the officer.

Yoko still just looked like a deer in the headlights.

Hina looked mildly alarmed by this, but brought a hand up to scratch beneath his hat and simply pursed his lips together.

"Sorry to... interrupt."

Taichi sheepishly brushed a hand through his hair. "Ah, no problem, really. We were just..." He turned to Yoko. Yoko almost fainted.

Hina tore his gaze from the two against the wall to the man passed out on the couch.

"This gentleman here alright?"

Taichi laughed again. "Old fogy never could handle his alcohol very well."

"None of you are going to be driving home tonight, are you?" Hina raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, of course not, of course not!" Taichi waved his hand flippantly. "Have no fear, officer." He readjusted his grip on Yoko's legs as the other man gave a little yelp.

Around this time, Matsuoka made his way back out of the library, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. Looking around, his eyebrows narrowed upon seeing no one around and both of the doors in question from earlier open to the world.

He began to walk towards the study when Hina and Yasu came out of the lounge, Yasu still in a state of shock and Hina with a little smile on his face.

Matsuoka's face took on a panicked look.

"I've seen everything!" Hina untucked his clipboard from under his arm.

"You have? I-... I don't know what to..." Matsuoka looked back and forth from Yasu to Hina.

"It's fine, it's fine! I don't know what you were getting so worked up about!" Hina laughed.

Matsuoka blanched. "You don't? I-I mean, I thought that..."

"Of course not! I see this kinda thing all the time."

"You do?"

"Of course! I just want to make sure you keep all these people here for the night or get them rides home. Wouldn't wanna have any accidents on the road, right?"

Matsuoka muttered under his breath. "Or accidents in the house..."

Hina just laughed again, slapping Matsuoka's back as he headed back towards the library. "That's what condoms are for! Oh, right, can I use your phone now?"

Matsuoka gave Yasu an incredibly confused look, but then straightened himself out and attempted to look professional. "Of course, of course. Right this way..."

He lead Hina back to the library, ushering him inside before relocking the door.

Yasu stood in the middle of the hallway, still quite thrown off from everything he'd witnessed as the rest of the guests began making their way curiously out into the hall. The music could still be heard faintly from the study.

"Is he gone...?" Ryo straightened out his tie, still feeling vaguely ill.

Joshima was hacking up a lung, wiping furiously at his mouth and tongue as he attempted to get as far away from Nagase as he could. "That was vile! Utterly disgusting and-... and just... vile!"

Nagase was just smiling triumphantly to himself. "Don't try to pretend like your whole world wasn't just rocked. I know it's gonna be hard going back to anyone else now..."

Taichi was replacing his hat back on his head as he made his way out of the lounge. "Everything appeared to have worked..." Yoko followed behind him, face quite a bit whiter than before and saying absolutely nothing.

Ohkura frowned in Matsuoka's direction with a little pout. "I thought you said it 'wasn't gonna be that type of party'. I wasn't prepared at all!" He readjusted his apron. Which just made Matsuoka even more confused than before as he glanced around at all of the guests.

Yasu just shrugged, then seemed to come out of it when he saw the key in Matsuoka's hand. "Why did you lock him in again?"

"We still need to finish searching the house, don't we?"

Ryo chewed on the inside of his cheek. "True. We got a bit interrupted, didn't we?" He narrowed his eyes in Nagase and Taichi's direction.

Taichi just glare in return. "I'm sorry, we found a dead body. I'll try to warn you next time I think we might happen upon one."

"We don't have much time left though, do we? The police will be here soon!" Joshima cringed, already fretting to himself once more.

Yoko spoke up for the first time, pointing towards the door. "The police already came!"

Everyone shushed him loudly, spinning around to face him as he stepped back pathetically.

"Come, come now, it just means we have to hurry." Matsuoka began looking around for Ryo, who nodded when their eyes met. The two of them started for the staircase, followed by Yasu and a still mildly put-off Yoko. Nagase and Taichi just glared at each other while Joshima and Yoko, unspoken connection made through the horrific things they'd just had to undergo, headed off towards the cellar stairs.

"Well. What haven't we searched yet?" Taichi was lighting up a cigarette again, jerking his head away from Nagase.

"Like I fucking know."

"What put you in such a foul mood?"

Nagase's face turned teary-eyed. "Naga-chin got all riled up but I wasn't able to do anything about it."

Taichi rolled his eyes, then took on a slightly evil grin, gripping the ends of his cane and bringing it up like a bat. "I'm sure I could help you with that..."

Nagase's hair practically stood on end, pupils as tiny as pinpricks. "Get away from me, you crazy red demon!" He took off in the direction of the kitchen, both hands between his legs to protect his most important place.

"I promise it won't hurt! Get back here, ogre man!" Taichi just laughed and chased behind him, cane above his head.

Nagase didn't stop until he made it all the way to the freezer, yanking it open frantically and launching himself inside, scraping at the back before turning around in fear and clutching himself to the wall as Taichi's form appeared in the freezer door.

Taichi's eyes were narrowed as he smiled impishly. "Maybe we can knock the pervert right out of you, hm?" He thumped his cane in his hand a few times, biting down on his lip with a chuckle.

Nagase laughed nervously, hands going back to his crotch. "C-can't we talk this over? A-all nice and... easy-like? Little Red?"

"Why? I'm having so much fun seeing you squirm!" Taichi brought his cane back above his head.

Nagase screamed like a woman and raised his hands in horror, grabbing on to the meat hooks attached to the wall above him.

The back of the freezer abruptly opened up, sending Nagase sprawled to his rear-end in the middle of another dusty, dark passageway.

Both of them blinked in surprise.

"Well, that was unexpected." Taichi tilted his hat upwards.

"My ass hurts..." Nagase whined.

"Oh, stop whining you baby, and let's see where this one leads." Taichi took off first this time, instead of stepping around Nagase who was still floundering on the ground, stepping on his stomach and smiling at the gargle that resulted.

When they made it to the end and pushed open what turned out to be a photo frame, the salsa music came back, on its endless repeat, and they discovered they were back in the study.

"Well, that was anti-climactic."

Nagase came up behind him, still rubbing his stomach irritatingly. "Stop talking about climaxes."

Taichi elbowed him in the same spot he'd just stepped on.

In the rest of the house, the other pairs continued to search - Yasu and Ohkura poking around at the assortment of boxes and dusty old furniture in the attic, Matsuoka and Ryo maneuvering around two more of the guest rooms, and Joshima and Yoko shakily making their way around boilers and other equipment in the damp cellar.

A few moments later, without so much as a warning, the electricity in the house went out, bathing the house in complete and utter darkness.

In the cellar, Joshima let out a throaty yelp, arms immediately out to his sides to both ward off any unseeable foes and to keep him from bumping into anything. He instinctively backed up, only to run smack into someone and have a pair of arms curl around him.

"G-get away!" He began squirming, fear taking over as he frantically waved his arms around.

"Shhhh, shut up, shut up..." Yoko just held on tighter, clenching his eyes shut as he attempted to make his voice come out more confident than he really was. "If we just... stand here together... we'll be ok..." His voice warbled.

It took Joshima a few moments, but then he finally calmed down, still breathing hard as his heart beat wildly in his chest. He hesitantly brought his arms up to grip onto the arms around his own frame, leaning back a bit.

Yoko squeezed tighter, burying his face into Joshima's shoulder.

It was quiet a few moments. A few very long moments.

"...I don't like the dark." Joshima's voice came out tiny and shaky in the darkness.

"...I don't either..." Yoko's voice replied just as small.

On the second floor, Matsuoka's head was on a constant swivel as he attempted to feel his way through the bedroom. His hand met a chair just as a gust of wind blew the door to the room shut. He cried out in surprise, heart practically beating up in his ears.

Just a short ways outside the bedroom on the stars, Ohkura was creeping, creeping down ever so quietly. He glanced around to his either side to make sure no one was there, when he made it to the bottom, hurrying along towards the billiard room.

In the adjacent room, Hina was feeling mildly uncomfortable, the receiver of the phone still on his ear as his eyes darted nervously back and forth in the darkness.

"Hello? Are you still there?"

He bit down on his tongue as he felt the fear tickle in the back of his throat.

Ohkura opened the door to the billiard room and stepped inside, closing it slowly and quietly behind him.

"I'm here, just like you asked." He whispered out into the darkness.

"Good. Did any of them recognize you?"

Ohkura took a step forward. "There's no doubt about it. There's no way they couldn't have. Especially that one in the--"

There was a flurry of movement, and suddenly Ohkura felt a rope get twisted around his neck. "Wh...what are you--?" His eyes opened wide. He tried to scream but no sound came out.

"...thank god you're still there." Hina practically bit into the phone. "There's something really weird going on around here. This is the second time I've been locked into this library."

Behind Hina, the door to the library slowly, slowly slid open, not making a sound.

"At first I thought it was nothing, but now I'm really starting to get scared. Some serious shit is going on here. You guys need to send some people down here, yeah, it's--"

The connection abruptly ended, leaving only a dial tone.

Hina's eyes narrowed in concern. "Hello? Hello? Answer me. Hello?"

And then there was a sharp thud as a pipe came down on his head.

Back out in the hall, a bright cheery tone suddenly rang through the darkness as the doorbell chimed. The door opened to reveal a fabulous-looking man with swirling locks of hair dancing around his head. He opened his shawl seductively with a dashing smile.

"Did someone send for a smoking hot piece of man?"

There was the sound of a gun going off, and the man at the door fell to the ground.

The door closed.

Panic began to break out among the guests, running this way and that in their respective locations. Yasu tried to find the steps leading out of the attic and ended up tripping down them, head over heels, until he rammed straight into the door at the bottom with a dull thud. Ryo began throwing things out of the way trying to find the door to the room he was in and pulled down a long drapery that had been hanging on the wall, the cloth enveloping his whole body like a net. He began screaming, flailing around in an attempt to escape before tripping and falling down in a blubbering pile of drapery and man.

Matsuoka heard the screams and turned with a jerk. "Are you okay? I'm coming!" He took off towards what appeared to be the nearest door, jerking it open and leaving the room. Except that instead of the hallway, he appeared to be in another room, as he couldn't find another exit anywhere.

"Where am I?" He reached his hands out, searching for something, anything, and his fingers closed around a door handle.

"Another door?" He twisted the handle.

The shower turned on, spraying him full in the face with a blast of water.

By the time he'd gotten the showered turned back off and found the right door, Ryo'd stopped screaming and the house was mostly silent again, so he sloshed his way back down the main steps before heading to the fuse box by the cellar, feeling around for the lever, which turned out to be, in fact, turned down, and returned it to its rightful position.

The lights in the house sprang back to life. Off in the study, the faint sounds of the earlier music filtered back into the hall.

"Is everyone alright?" Matsuoka wiped his hair back, shivering from his now very damp suit.

Joshima and Yoko staggered their way out of the cellar, looking extremely bedraggled with their faces still white from their earlier fear. Taichi and Nagase appeared from the kitchen, not looking much better, and only a few minutes later, both Yasu and Ryo made their way down the stairs to join the party as well.

Glancing tiredly about, Nagase was the first to see that the door to the billiard room was open, and Ohkura's body was draped across the pool table with a rope still tightly wrapped around his throat. Everyone else glanced over as well.

There was a collective silence of apathy.

They started back for the study, stopping for a moment at the door to the library, which was also now open, revealing Hina's body slumped over the front of the desk.

"The cop too?" Joshima fixed his hair.

Ryo pursed his lips. "I kinda figured he'd be offed at some point the moment we let him in the house."

"How many is that now?" Yoko cleaned his glasses with a tired sigh.

"Five?" Taichi scratched under his hat.

"Wait, wasn't there a gunshot?" Matsuoka looked around in confusion. "Neither of those two were shot..."

"I heard it too." Nagase blinked. "Wait, didn't the front door slam?"

"Oh my god, did the killer get away?" Joshima brought his hands to his face, then the entire lot of them ran off to the front door, Matsuoka making it there first and opening the door.

To reveal the man from earlier sprawled out across the entryway. Blood dribbled down from the bullet wound in his head.

There was a collective sigh, shoulders drooping as the door was left to swing shut.

"That makes six now..." Ryo rubbed the back of his neck.

They all slowly made their way back to the middle of the hall, looking bedraggled and considerably worse for the wear, tired faces looking questioning at each other as to what to do next.

Matsuoka glanced around at the floor, chewing on his lip. "Well, I don't see a gun. Ohkura dropped it here, did he not?" He gestured in the general area of the fallen chandelier. "Ah well. I've solved it. I know what happened."

There was a collective "eh" from the rest of the group, each turning to face him with looks of disbelief.

"It's true!" Matsuoka straightened his bowtie with a satisfied little twist. "And I'll tell you how it was all done too! This way, this way." He beckoned behind him and headed off towards the library. The others followed along wordlessly, eyes focused on Matsuoka's form.

Upon entering the library, Matsuoka readjusted his jacket, waiting for the guests to gather around, then smiled pleasantly. "Now, there's no way I can simply tell you who is guilty, it's quite complex you see."

"Or maybe you're just bluffing!" Taichi pointed his cane at him, and both Yoko and Ryo who were near him nodded.

Matsuoka just tsk'ed back, using one finger to push the head of the cane away. "How could I be bluffing when I can explain everything to you in great detail? Which I am preparing to do now."

Taichi pouted and dropped his hand back down. Matsuoka just smiled.

"Alright, alright, butler-man. We're listening." Nagase crossed his arms in front of him.

"Excellent. Now, in order to make sure we cover everything, I'll need to, of course, start from the very beginning. Before any of you were even here." He turned his head around. "Instead of this dear officer, Ohkura was here by himself, just waiting for all of your delightful presences to offer you champagne for the evening. I, however, was out in the hall." He gestured with his head behind them. "Why was I in the hall? Because I was heading for the kitchen."

He immediately took off, walking swiftly through the crowd to follow the direction he'd just so described. The others looked at each other in confusion before making their ways as well.

Matsuoka jogged all the way into the kitchen, sliding to a stop with his arms outstretched. "In the kitchen!" He glanced around. "Higashiyama was here. Alive, and fabulous. And cooking your dinner."

"It was a good dinner." Yoko mused, having already taken his pipe back out.

"Mm, meat..." Nagase glanced down at his stomach.

"I asked if everything was coming along alright. He told me dinner would be ready at 7:30. THEN! The doorbell rang." He pointed a finger in the air before rushing straight back out of the kitchen, sliding to another stop by the front door.

"It was the first guest! Who could it have been?"

Nagase started jumping up and down, waving his hand in the air. "Oh, oh, oh! It was me! Tell me it was me!"

"It was indeed you!" Matsuoka opened the door with a rather violent jerk straight back into Nagase's face, who fell to the floor with a crumble.

All the guests gathered around and stared at his comatose body, Matsuoka getting to one knee and cradling one of Nagase's hands in his own. "It was our dear friend, Colonel Mustard, in ripe shape even from the beginning. I told him not to use his real name, and he responded with derogatory alternative aliases that I will not repeat here." He made the shape of a cross in front of his face and bowed his head. "I then lead him straight... to the library!" He swiftly jumped back to his feet and ran to said location, the others breathlessly following behind. Nagase rubbed his head and slowly stood up with a mumble.

"I introduced him to Ohkura!" Matsuoka stopped just inside the library door. "Ohkura gave him a drink. I didn't feel quite comfortable leaving them alone, but alas, the doorbell rang again!" He pushed back past them, rushing to the front door as everyone nearly tripped trying to turn back around.

"I opened the door!" Matsuoka jerked the door open as he had before, abruptly smacking Nagase who was still trying to recollect his bearings and sent him back to the floor. "It was Mr. White!"

Everyone instinctively looked towards Ryo, who just glowered.

Matsuoka suddenly appeared right behind him, rising from the ground all sneaky-like. "Mr. White appeared troubled and angry. No different from now. I took his coat!" He began tugging at Ryo's suit jacket, calmly at first, but when Ryo protested with an irritated squawk, it became quite violent until he finally was able to yank it off. Ryo spun around from the release of pressure and practically fell on his face.

"I then took him to the library as well!" Holding the jacket behind him like a cape, he dashed back to the library. There were groans of frustration from among the rest of the group.

"I introduced him to both the colonel and Ohkura. Upon doing this, I noticed that Mr. White and Ohkura... knew each other." Matsuoka stared down at the empty air in front of the desk, which had everyone else staring there as well, as if there was something magical about it.

Ryo came stalking back into the room coatless. He raised a finger to say something but was promptly hit in the face as Matsuoka threw the jacket back.

"And then you all arrived!"

Matsuoka dashed straight past the flustered Ryo to the hall, grabbing the mallet sitting on the table outside. Around this time, Nagase had finally recollected himself enough that he'd made it just outside the library, balancing himself on the door frame. 

Matsuoka stuck the gong with a forceful ring right in Nagase's ears.

"The cook rang the gong!"

Nagase had his hands on his ears as he sank to his knees in pain.

"Which meant it was dinnertime! So we headed to the dining room!"

He took off in said direction. The guests had nothing they could do except follow.

When they got there, Joshima was breathing quite hard and was now leaning heavily on Taichi's back, who cringed in response but relented and let him stay.

"Dinner! You each sat at a place designated with your nametags!" Matsuoka practically skipped around the table as he indicated each one. "After we'd eaten, it was revealed that each of us had received a letter!"

Ryo threw his coat on the ground in frustration. "We know all this!"

"Yeah, get to the point already!" Taichi shook his cane in the air.

Nagase staggered in the dining room door and promptly collapsed.

"Of course, of course! Because all the letters lead to one conclusion - blackmail!"

"We didn't learn about all of that until later though. After Mr. Subaru arrived and we were in the study!" Yasu lifted his glasses off the bridge of his nose.

"Bingo!" Matsuoka pointed directly at him, then dashed over and grabbed his arm. "In the study!" Dragging Yasu behind him, he raced back across the hall, stepping on Nagase along the way, and to the designated destination, still looking exactly the same as it had when they'd last left it.

Matsuoka stopped abruptly, sending Yasu forward to face-plant on the floor.

"The study... where it was revealed that all of you were being blackmailed... by Mr. Subaru!" He pointed towards the ceiling, practically yelling, as the rest of the guests gathered behind him.

Once they were all there, he continued. "I explained what each of you were being blackmailed for. Almost all denied it--"

"Mine's not true!" Joshima's voice came out tiny from the rear.

"--but everyone was outed all the same. Mr. Subaru tried to leave!" Matsuoka swung his arm back to point towards the door, and everyone ducked to keep from getting hit. "But I didn't let him! So he gave you all of your special... 'presents'..." Still pointing, he walked towards the door to the study and promptly shut it. "And then turned off the lights!"

The lights went out.

There was an almost surprised silence, and then the room was filled with screams.

Ryo flipped the lights back on in aggravation. Joshima had jumped into Taichi's arms, Yoko was kneeling, huddled, by the couch, Nagase's face had gone white, and Yasu stood looking around in confusion.

Matsuoka was on the ground. Dead.

Only not, because he opened his eyes with a start. "Surprisingly, it wasn't me who turned up dead from the debacle, but Mr. Subaru himself! Or so we thought!"

All eyes went to Yoko, who was standing back up and trying not to look pathetic. He blinked. "Wh...what? He was dead! I know he was!"

Matsuoka jumped to his feet before stepping over to tower above Yoko, one hand poking him in the chest. "How do dead men get hit on the head with candlesticks in the hall less than five minutes later?"

Yoko sputtered, sweat already gathering on his forehead. "Well, I... I mean, it may be possible that I... made a mistake..." He adjusted his bowtie.

"OR HE WAS A ZOMBIE." Nagase attempted to imitate Matsuoka by pointing his finger menacingly at the man himself.

"OR!" Matsuoka stepped forward and crushed his palm into Nagase's finger, bending it backwards. "He was only pretending to be dead once he realized that it was, in fact, him that was to be killed, rather than me!"

"S-somebody grabbed the gun from me in the dark, remember?" Yoko shook his finger in the air, glad to get the attention off of himself. "That person was trying to kill Mr. Subaru!"

Matsuoka calmly picked up a glass off of the nearby table and made his way to the door, passed the still-agonizing Nagase who was kneeling on the floor. He turned his head sharply to Joshima, who was still like glue to Taichi's side. "Mr. Peacock took a drink from his glass!" He looked back to Yoko. "You said it could be poisoned!"

"And then he screamed!" Yasu's voice went up in intensity.

Matsuoka grabbed Joshima and dragged him over to the couch. "He screamed!"

Joshima looked extremely confused, worried and over-whelmed. He let out a tiny questioning scream.

Matsuoka slapped him across the face. "Mr. Green slaps him like a wild man!"

Yasu grew incredibly put-off, marching over in a huff. "Now, see here--"

"But then there was more screaming!" Matsuoka popped back to his feet. "It was Ohkura, from the billiard room! It was a mass exodus!" He rushed out of the room without another word. The others glanced at each other for a moment before reluctantly following, though Yasu helped Joshima off the couch apologetically.

When they arrived, Matsuoka was already there, sitting on top of the pool table with his legs crossed quite regally.

"Ohkura was here screaming. We came to his rescue." He tented his fingers and looked out at them with an eyebrow raised. "Except... that one of us wasn't here."

"Wasn't here?" Ryo narrowed his eyes.

"Wasn't. Here." Matsuoka nodded gravely. "That person? Was murdering the cook!"

"Well, who was the one who wasn't here?" Taichi barked in anger. There were affirmative nods all around.

"Who, indeeeed..." Matsuoka narrowed his eyes.

Nagase, apparently recovered from his shattered finger, held his hands out desperately. "I thought you knew!"

"Ah, but I do!" He jumped down off the pool table and rushed immediately back to the study, passing Yasu and Joshima on the way and practically spinning them around with his speed. "While all of us were in the study helping Ohkura, that person could have stayed here, grabbed the knife..." He ran back out just as the rest of the guests made it to the study, heading straight for the kitchen. "...ran down the hall, and stabbed the cook!" He practically sailed into the kitchen, tossing the knife towards the other side and looking quite satisfied as it plunged itself into some of the meat hanging on the wall.

There were breathless gasps behind him as everyone finally caught up, Ryo now holding himself up by the wall and Taichi coughing into his hand.

Joshima wiped the sweat on his forehead. "But... but I don't... I mean, someone would have seen them, wouldn't they? Running back like that?"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Matsuoka nagged his finger, then stepped deftly over towards the freezer and popped it open, pulling on the meat-hook to reveal the secret passage.

Joshima's hands went to his mouth as he gasped. Others in the group stared in disbelief.

"He would have been perfectly fine if he used this secret passage! It leads right--"

Matsuoka dashed back out behind them, even as they were still trying to get their bearings back.

"--to the study!"

They all stopped in front of the large picture-frame on the wall in the study, Matsuoka pushing it slightly for good measure. "The murderer would have had no trouble making it back in time and looking perfectly innocent."

Taichi pointed up at the frame with his cane. "We found it! The secret passage! There's any number of them in here!"

Nagase turned towards him, eyes suddenly teary. "Only because you were trying to... to... to MURDER NAGA-CHIN, YOU NASTY RED DEVIL."

"Wait, wait, wait..." Ryo waved his hands out, looking thoroughly confused. "Why was the cook even murdered, anyway? She didn't have anything to do with us or Mr. Subaru or any of this!"

Matsuoka stared at him blankly for a moment. "Oh, hadn't you guessed? Everyone here is involved in what's going on tonight."

Yasu adjusted his glasses as his mouth opened stupidly. "Wait, so both the cook and Ohkura...?"

Matsuoka reached forward and bopped Yasu's nose. "...were Mr. Subaru's accomplices! They were the ones who gathered all of his information for him! How else do you supposed he was able to blackmail you in the first place?"

There was a collective silence in the group as they all simply looked at each other.

Yoko furrowed his eyebrows together. "So then that means... whoever knew the cook was in fact involved was... the one that murdered her!"

"Very good, professor!" Matsuoka patted Yoko's head.

Nagase pouted and crossed his arms in front of himself. "Anyone could have figured that out!"

"You didn't!" Taichi stomped on Nagase's foot and sent the other man jumping around the room in pain.

"Mr. White!" Matsuoka swiveled his head around to find the person in question, who stepped back, as if afraid he was going to try to strip him of some other clothing item. "You knew Ohkura, did you not?"

"I, well..."

"Did you not?"

Ryo narrowed his eyes and glared back. "Alright, alright, I knew the fuckin' bitch! He was one of my ex-wife's little friends. Used to get all dolled up together and go drinking. Even introduced her to guys!"

Matsuoka turned towards Nagase this time. "And you too, knew Ohkura?"

Nagase blanched, grinning awkwardly and scratching at his head. "Well..."

"We all know you did already, idiot! You gave yourself away!" Taichi smirked and crossed his arms in front of himself.

"Well, I mean... I might have..."

"And we even had the negatives, hm? Or were those somehow falsified?" Matsuoka raised an eyebrow.

Nagase began weeping bitterly into his hands. "I couldn't let it get out! None of the guys at work know how much of a perv I am!"

Yoko look bewildered. "How on earth could anyone not?"

"This means he had motive!" Yasu pointed back towards Nagase.

Matsuoka simply waved his hands. "You all had motive."

Joshima gestured wildly at the floor. "But when was he actually killed?!"

"Easy!" Matsuoka reached out and promptly tripped Yasu to the floor, who fell with a yelp. "Mr. Subaru was on the floor! We all thought he was dead!" He put a foot on top of Yasu's stomach, who was now looking up fearfully. "But then we realized there was still someone else in the house!" Matsuoka pointed his finger in the direction of the kitchen.

Nagase punched a fist into his hand. "That damn dirty cook!"

"Exactly!" Matsuoka dashed off to the kitchen, this time so fast that no one could even keep up. They all ran behind, Yasu dusting himself off in frustration before taking up the rear.

When they got there, they all got jammed in the door, squeezing to get through. Same as earlier, Yasu somehow made it to the front and squeezed out before everyone else fell down in a pile in the entryway.

Yasu held his hands out, looking around. Then saw no one was there and dropped his arms with a sigh. He wandered over towards the freezer. "Where did he go?"

Matsuoka fell out of the freezer, a horror-stricken look on his face, and promptly crushed Yasu to the ground.

There was a decidedly sick-sounding grunt.

The guests wandered over in no hurry, gazing down at the pile of bodies bemusedly. Yasu just shoved Matsuoka off of him, suit now wrinkled and twisted.

"Higashiyama was dead! We found him in the freezer, stabbed... in the back!" Matsuoka paid no attention to Yasu and sat up on his own, looking straight up at the other guests. "As all of us were collecting his body, the murderer slipped back through the secret passageway!"

Joshima flung himself against Ryo in exasperation, letting out a whine. "Not again!"

"Yes, again!" Matsuoka popped to his feet as Ryo pushed Joshima off of him, then the whole lot of them set off once more towards the study.

"The murderer... came back through the passage." Matsuoka stopped in the middle of the room, hands outstretched. The rest of the guests nearly rammed into him from behind. "Mr. Subaru, however..." He glanced back, found Nagase, and flung him to the ground. "...was still pretending to be dead! But then he jumped up!" He reached down and grabbed Nagase right after he'd landed with an oomph. "The murderer, who'd just appeared, chased him out into the hall!"

Matsuoka found the candlestick in the cupboard and grabbed it, pointing it towards Nagase who took an instant step back in fear.

"I-...I'm just Colonel Mustard!" He waved his hands defensively.

"Mr. Subaru ran!" Matsuoka charged full-throttle, and Nagase gave off an effeminate scream and ran towards the door.

The two of them raced out into the hall, Nagase looking panicked and already beginning to pant. Taichi just laughed evilly as he watched from the remaining group-now-turned-audience as they stood just outside the study door.

"The murderer... killed Mr. Subaru!" Matsuoka bonked Nagase's head with the butt of the candlestick and he went down with a thud.

Nagase started clawing at the floor desperately. "I wanna liiiive..."

"...then, threw him into the bathroom!" Matsuoka grabbed Nagase by the collar of his jacket and launched him into the described room. The door closed behind him.

The rest of the guests moved closer, glancing back and forth from Matsuoka to the bathroom door.

"From there, the murderer would have no problem rejoining us as we examined Higashiyama's body in the kitchen!"

Ryo held his hand out in exasperation. "Well, who was it?"

"Yeah, would you just tell us already?" Yoko's eyebrows were furrowed.

Matsuoka just tut-tut'ed his finger. "Whoever it was, was the one not in the kitchen with us the entire time."

"Which was WHO?!" Joshima jumped.

"Ah!" Matsuoka appeared to have discovered something and ran off towards the front door. The others followed after in curiosity and frustration. Nagase walked out of the bathroom with a strange expression on his face, coming up behind Yasu.

"You might not wanna go in there for a while..."

Matsuoka stood in front of the door facing them. "After that, we locked the weapons in the cupboard, and I came out here to throw the key away!" He yanked open the door, and everyone within range took an instinctive step backwards to avoid being hit.

"But! We were surprised because we actually had a visitor. So I didn't end up throwing the key away. Which means--!" He pointed out at the guests, letting the door slam for emphasis. "Any one of you could have taken the key out of my pocket!"

"It could have been anyone, really. We were all so close!" Taichi rubbed his chin.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Yasu held his hands out to get everyone to quiet down, then adjusted his glasses. "So let me get this straight... this idiot right here..." He pointed towards Nagase. "...has some kind of top-secret government job, right? And Mr. White's wife was some kind of nuclear physicist... right?"

Matsuoka nodded. "That's correct."

"And, and, and..." Yasu waggled his hand back in the direction of the billiard room. "Ohkura was a link between them!"

"Nice thinking, peapod." Taichi crossed his arms in bemusement.

Yoko came over and pointed his pipe in Nagase's face. "What exactly is this top-secret job of yours?"

Nagase opened his mouth, but Matsuoka slid sneakily over to come between them, making Yoko take a step back. "I'll tell you. He's working on the next fusion bomb."

There were gasps all around, Joshima in particular as he brought his hands to his mouth.

"So is this some huge plot between them?" He tugged on Matsuoka's sleeve.

"Let's finish our little run-through, shall we?" Matsuoka just grinned, raising an eyebrow.

Ryo pointed at the door. "The man at the door!"

"Yes, yes, the man at the door!" Matsuoka nodded.

Yasu appeared spent. "Why did he have to die?"

"I thought I told you, didn't I?" Matsuoka shook his head. "Everyone here is involved in this in some way or another."

"Everyone, so... so even all the others that showed up...?" Taichi.

"Especially all the others that showed up!" Matsuoka bonked Taichi on his hat. "Everyone that showed up tonight was related to Mr. Subaru's schemes. Each of these people gave him information on one of you guests, which was how he was able to black-mail you."

Yasu stared off in front of him. "So then that guy...?"

Nagase scoffed and turned his head to the side. "Alright, alright... I knew him. He was my motorist during the war!"

Taichi looked at him wide-eyed. "You mean they actually let you fight in the war? I always figured the 'colonel' was some stupid name you'd give yourself!"

"YES, I FOUGHT IN THE WAR." Nagase raised his arms to bring them down on Taichi, but was stopped by Matsuoka's arm holding him back.

"Temper, temper..."

"Ugh." Nagase gritted his teeth together, then finally relented and stepped back.

Yoko cocked his head to the side. "What did he have on you?"

Nagase grew even more uncomfortable, now looking down at the ground. "I... I stole parts. From the Air Force. Planes and shit. I-I needed money, was all... I would steal the parts and sell them on the black market."

Joshima grew practically teary-eyed. "That's horrible!"

Ryo pushed him aside. "What about the policeman?"

Taichi laughed at this, scratching at his nose. "Ah, he was working for me. How do you think I was able to keep my business going for so long without the police getting involved?"

Joshima turned towards Taichi now. "That's disgusting!"

Taichi just stepped forward, grabbing the front of Joshima's shirt. "No more disgusting than you!"

"I'm a married woman!" Joshima slapped Taichi across the cheek.

Yasu was glancing back at the door now. "So then... the man at the door?"

Matsuoka wandered back over to the door and pulled it open. They all stared at the fabulous hair that still appeared shiny and voluptuous despite the rain.

Yoko looked down at the ground. "I, uh... had him as a patient once..."

Nagase raised an eyebrow. "Wait, so...?"

"He had some delusions of grandeur of changing the world through his gigolo business, so they sent him to me. And, and I mean, well... he came onto me, I would never have...!"

Taichi's laugh echoed all the way to the ceiling. "And here you'd been saying you never tried batting for the same team!"

Yoko waved his hands, flustered. "It... it was one time!"

"Well, that's that, I suppose." Matsuoka stepped out to stand next to the body on the ground. "Shall we take him inside?"

Back in the study, they thumped the fabulous gigolo's body on the ground with a complete lack of concern. Joshima slumped down on one of the sofas and rested his head back with a pained look on his face.

Matsuoka headed back for the desk at the back of the room. "Well, there you have it - murder-wise at least."

Yoko had his pipe back out and was puffing on it in concentration. "But that still doesn't explain how the killer would have known about all these peoples' identities! I didn't know any of you until tonight!"

"I didn't either." Taichi nodded his head.

"Well." Matsuoka lifted a finger up. "We know that the murderer stole the key from my pocket. That would have allowed them to obtain the weapons. They waited until we'd all split up, then snuck down to the study to get rid of all the evidence."

"The evidence is gone?" Joshima looked up in shock from the couch.

"You mean--?" Nagase's eyes opened up like saucers.

"Yes, the evidence is gone!" Matsuoka wandered over towards the fire. "...but how was it destroyed?" He kneeled down, hand darting in to bat at a couple hard-edged pieces of metal that were certainly not to be in a fire. He pulled them out, along with the remains of a tattered film strip. "Aha! Here it is." He stood back up, glancing around at each of the guests in turn. "Having found out the whole truth from the evidence and destroying it, the murderer obtained the wrench, climbed through the secret passage leading from the conservatory--!"

Just when the guests had thought they were done racing around, Matsuoka took off for the door, back out in the hall. He pointed towards the door to the lounge.

"...and killed the motorist! Then--commotion! We couldn't get in! There were guttural screams coming from the other side of the door! Ohkura found the gun unlocked, and shot! But then the doorbell rang again!"

Just as the guests made it back out in the hall behind him, the doorbell rang for real.

Everyone froze. A bolt of terror zigzagged through the entire group.

Joshima looked like he was about to cry. "Why do people keep coming! They're just gonna die!" He wiped at his tears, then made an irritated noise in the back of his throat and stomped over to the door. He opened it with a jerk.

"What?!" It came out decidedly stressed.

The person at the door, however, seemed unfazed. He looked coolly into the door at the other guests before raising a piece of paper in front of his chest.

"Good evening, gentleman." He gave a little bow. "Have any of you ever thought of going into the music business?"

There was a blank look from those in the house.

"What?" Joshima's voice cracked.

"I'm putting aside my racing career to start up a talent agency for young men." He brushed his hair back. "The time is now to turn your life around. Become a big-name star and live the life of your dreams."

"Do you already have a lot of, uh... young men... signed up for this who'sa-whats'it?" Nagase nonchalantly called out.

Ryo cupped his hands around his mouth. "I'd get outta here before you get a bunch of pervs in your agency."

The man at the door just took a step forward, pushing the advertisement in Joshima's face. "There's no better time than now!"

Joshima grabbed the paper and threw it on the floor. "I don't wanna be a star!" And then he slammed the door on the man's face. He was still sniffling as he carefully made his way back over to the rest of the group. Nagase whistled, casually picking up the paper off the floor and sliding it into his inside pocket.

It was strangely silent for a moment.

Then Matsuoka abruptly pointed his finger in the air. "The officer was the next to arrive!" He dropped his hand until it was now pointing towards the library. "We locked him in! He grew angry! We split up once more to search the house."

Yoko took the pipe out of his mouth. "And we forgot about all the weapons in the cupboard."

Nagase bonked himself on the head. "The weapons!"

Taichi lifted his hat up to scratch at his hair. "You know, looking back, we really weren't the most intelligent of folks."

"Precisely!" Matsuoka hurried over towards the fuse box by the cellar door. "While we were all split up... the murderer cut the electricity!" He promptly threw down the lever, bathing the entire house in darkness.

There were more screams, this time followed by annoyed grumbles of frustration.

"Turn on the goddamn lights, butler!"

"WE'RE GONNA DIE."

"Not this again!"

"WE'RE GONNA DIE."

Matsuoka flipped the lights back on.

Nagase fainted, falling backwards over Joshima who'd been crouched in fear behind his legs.

"Terribly sorry if I scared anyone." Matsuoka didn't look sorry at all.

Yasu shoved his finger into Matsuoka's chest. "Would you stop doing that?"

Matsuoka ignored him, stepping forward with his hands outstretched. "Once the lights were out, three more people were killed."

"Ohkura, the cop, and the gigolo..." Yoko mused, rubbing his chin.

Taichi pounded his cane on the ground. "But who did it?"

Matsuoka just smiled, hands behind his back as he stepped a few paces away. "Alright... let's think about each of the murders individually, shall we?"

There were a few sighs, but everyone gathered behind Matsuoka's back.

Matsuoka abruptly turned around, pointing towards Yoko. "Professor Plum."

Yoko eeped.

"You're the one who examined Mr. Subaru's body after we'd all thought he died, correct?"

Yoko purposefully averted his eyes. "Well, yes..."

"There's a big difference between alive and dead - even you would have been able to tell. You had the gun - you tried to shoot him when all the lights were turned off." Yoko grew smaller and smaller. "And then when you discovered you'd missed, you snuck through the secret passage and killed him for good before shoving him into the bathroom."

Taichi's eyes opened wide. "He was the one missing while we were all in the kitchen!"

Nagase glared at Yoko. "I always knew he was a dastardly, violent man!"

Yasu stepped forward at this. "But wait! I remember him specifically being in the billiard room, remember? When Ohkura had been screaming? Isn't that when the cook was killed?"

Ryo nodded. "I remember him too. So then how did he off the cook?"

Yoko jumped up and down in frustration. "I-I didn't kill the cook!"

"Well, how are we supposed to believe you now, after we already know you killed one person?" Joshima crossed his arms in front of his chest and poked his lip out.

Matsuoka, however, sidled up next to Joshima and slipped an arm around his shoulder. "Of course you wouldn't believe him..."

Joshima tried to back away unsuccessfully, suddenly starting to sweat. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

Matsuoka took one of the other man's arms, lifting it up as he moved his hand along it, finally reaching his hand and positioning it as if he was holding a knife. "Higashiyama had been your cook, hm? But don't you remember when we were all in the kitchen and you mentioned that the meal was one of your favorite recipes?"

Joshima turned red and yanked his hand back, practically tripping as he pulled himself out of the other's grip. "I-I..."

Nagase pointed at him accusingly, eyes filled with betrayal. "I wanted to have sex with you!"

Taichi raised an eyebrow. "And you don't now?"

"Nah, I still do."

"And why should you not, hmm?" Matsuoka crossed his hands behind his back and sauntered over towards Nagase with a little smirk.

Now it was Nagase's turn to give a little eep and take a step backwards. "Well, I mean... I know my dick doesn't really differentiate between murderers and non-murderers, but--"

Matsuoka grabbed his tie and pulled forward. "That motorist that arrived next was an acquaintance of yours, was he not?"

Nagase averted his eyes.

Taichi started laughing uproariously. "Pot calling the kettle black, hm?"

Matsuoka continued. "Once we all split up, you snuck down and took the wrench from the cupboard, ran through the secret passage from the conservatory, and killed the motorist!"

Nagase pulled back on his tie until he'd freed himself, then abruptly turned his back and crossed his arms with a pout.

Ryo looked amused. "So you're telling me that man's even capable of murdering someone?"

Matsuoka just grinned. "Ah, but anyone is capable of murder. Shouldn't you know that better than anyone else, Mr. White?"

"E-eh?" Ryo froze. "What are you talking about?"

"Why don't I just continue?" Matsuoka waltzed happily towards the staircase, doing a little spin in front of the banister. "When we were all split up the second time, you were the one who snuck his way downstairs, you were the one who cut off the electricity--"

"I did no such thing!" Ryo took a defiant step forward.

Matsuoka pressed his finger against the other man's mouth to silence him. "And then you, Mr. White, got the rope from the cupboard, and strangled Ohkura!"

Ryo ground his teeth together, then let his shoulders fall in defeat. "FINE. Fine. I did it. I'll admit. I-I--" He held up a fist, already starting to shake in anger. "I hated him... so much. SO much... I-I-..."

Everyone started to back away.

"I-I was consumed, I... I had to kill him. Every waking moment that I was not killing him was like living a lie."

Matsuoka pushed him out of the way as he walked back amongst the group, stopping in front of Taichi. "But that's not all... while the electricity was off, Mr. Scarlet, yes you, Mr. Scarlet--" He poked Taichi in the chest with a little jerk. "--snuck down as well, grabbing the lead pipe and offing the officer! The very one that you'd been bribing this entire time." He raised an eyebrow with a smirk as he looked down at the much smaller man.

An expression which Taichi returned in kind, not even taken aback. "Very good, butler-man. They should hire you at the investigation bureau."

Nagase raised his hands in the air. "We're all murderers!"

Yoko pointed towards Yasu. "What about Mr. Green? Who did he kill?"

Yasu stepped back, hands up defensively as all eyes turned towards him.

Joshima tapped his foot on the ground. "He must have been the one to kill that guy at the door. He's the only one left!"

Yasu clenched his jaw. "I didn't kill anyone!"

"You had to have!" Nagase started counting on his fingers as if trying to solve something out in his head. "It's the only thing that makes sense!"

"I didn't, I swear!" Yasu's head swiveled around as he began looking for something. "The gun! The gun is the missing piece here - we still haven't found it. Whoever has the gun is the one who shot him!"

Everyone started glancing around as well, eyes searching for the missing weapon.

Matsuoka stepped out until he was in front of the rest of the group, then slid the gun out of his pocket.

"I have it."

There was a collective gasp from the party guests.

"You?" Taichi, for once, had absolutely nothing else to say.

Nagase raised his hands in anguish. "It's always the butler!"

Yasu, however, looked quite a bit more relieved. "I knew it was you all along!"

Matsuoka just twirled the gun in his fingers. "I'm sure that makes you feel very special."

Ryo's face was etched with confusion. "But... but then why did you...?"

"Don't you get it?" Matsuoka shook his head, amused. "You were all so convinced despite never having been here nor met me before... I'm the real owner of this house."

Joshima pointed at him with a quivering arm. "Then... then you're the one who's been blackmailing us?"

"Bingo~" Matsuoka swung the gun around and pointed it towards Joshima with a little wink. Joshima shielded his face with his arms and shrunk back.

Yoko looked panicked. "Wait, then who did I kill?"

Matsuoka just shrugged, glancing back towards the study. "My butler."

"Goddammit." Yoko kicked at the floor dejectedly.

"He wasn't important. None of them were important. They supplied me with the information I needed, but now that they're gone, there's no evidence left against me." Matsuoka smirked, starting to walk towards the front door. The others instinctively followed, yet made sure not to get too close.

"So then... what are we gonna do?" Nagase scratched his head.

"I don't really care what you do."

Yasu took off his glasses. "But the police! The police will be here any minute, right? All of you guys'll get put away!"

"And why would they come?" Matsuoka looked right at Yasu.

Whose face turned blank. "You mean...?"

Taichi growled up at Matsuoka. "You fucking..."

Matsuoka laughed, waving the gun around and forcing all the guests to duck. "Nobody called the police! Everything's been a lie, don't you get it?" He settled back down. "But really, I don't see why you're so mad. I'm helping you as well. We'll hide the bodies in the cellar and leave like nothing ever happened."

Ryo spit on the ground. "Yeah, but you'll keep black-mailing us."

"Well, of course. I figured that much was obvious." Matsuoka smiled pleasantly.

"You know what else is obvious?" Yasu cocked his head to the side.

"Hm?" Matsuoka raised both eyebrows in amusement.

"This!" And with that, Yasu whipped out a gun he'd had hidden in his suit jacket and shot it straight at Matsuoka, who was down before he could so much as raise his gun to fire a return shot.

The guests let out cries of surprise as Matsuoka slid down against the wall until he was sprawled out on the steps. He brought a hand up to the gunshot wound in his chest, staring down at the blood that came off on it.

"...p... perfect."

Yasu smirked, expression almost identical to Matsuoka's earlier one, then blew at the tip of his gun before sliding it back into his jacket pocket.

Ryo, who'd been standing closest to him, stepped towards him. "What the hell was that?"

Yoko's mouth was still hanging open. "Are... are you a cop?"

Yasu straightened out his hair. "Not a cop, no. A plant."

"W-wait, so then...?" Nagase looked at him worriedly.

"Correct!" Yasu turned to face them, whipping out his badge. "I'm with the F.B.I., who now know everything you people have done." He waltzed his way up to the front door, yanking it open.

Cops poured into the house, quickly surrounding the group of guests and holding them at gun-point. The guests themselves stepped backwards, in on themselves, expressions a combination of worry, resignation, and some simply pissed off.

Once all the cops had entered, the man from earlier stepped through the door as well, walking over to Yasu.

Nagase pointed towards him. "You! You tricked me with your promise of booty!"

Matchy just laughed, giving Nagase a little bow. "Righty-then, who we takin' in?"

Yasu was sliding his badge back into his suit jacket. "All of 'em, chief. They're all guilty."

"You heard the man, lead 'em outside!"

Outside the house, and just beyond the ring of cop cars that had collected around the entryway, another car pulled its way quickly up to the edge before turning off, the door opening and closing with identical hurried motions. One extremely worried Yamaguchi Tatsuya started making his way up towards the house, fixing the collar of his work-shirt.

Just as he'd made it up to the light of the door, cops began walking back outside, shooting him strange looks as they passed, all of them holstering their guns.

Joshima was the first of the guests to appear. As soon as he walked out the door and saw Tatsuya, he ran towards him with a little gasp and jumped into his arms.

Tatsuya practically fell backwards. "Shige, what the hell is going on?" He let Joshima slide back to the ground, hands pushing the other's hair back so he could look into his face. "I got a call from the--"

The cop that had been behind Joshima grabbed his arm and yanked him away. "Come on, now, no lollygagging."

Joshima looked back apologetically even as the cop began dragging him towards the cars. "Sorry hon, I killed someone!"

Tatsuya blinked in confusion.

"Come bail me out, okay?" The cop behind him gave him another shove, followed by a 'keep moving, keep moving'. "Stop pushing!" Joshima's whine could still be heard even as the cop shoved him into the nearest police car.

Nagase was the next to appear, no longer looking at all bothered as he stepped out of the house. He glanced to his right towards where Tatsuya was still staring off with a blank look.

"Your wife's got a sweet ass." He shot Tatsuya a thumbs-up and an extra lecherous grin before the cops pushed him all the way past.

Tatsuya's face grew even more confused.

"Ah, Senator. Lovely evening, isn't it?" Yoko this time, reaching a hand out towards Tatsuya, who returned the handshake with a completely blank look.

Ryo was right behind him, pushed from behind right into Yoko and forcing the other man to keep moving. Ryo glanced up at Tatsuya, giving him a thorough once over with one eyebrow raised and his face looking particularly dour.

"...yeah. I really would never have guessed it..." He was pushed away before Tatsuya could so much as form a question in his mind, let alone speak it.

Taichi was next, his red suit standing out like a beacon against the dark uniform of the cops. He pressed forward towards Tatsuya, forcing his cane into the other's hands with a worried look.

"Guard this with your life."

The cop behind him butted him in the back with his gun until he kept moving, and Tatsuya looked down in utter confusion at the cane now in his hands.

Last to appear was Yasu, now cleaning his glasses off with a tissue and watching accomplishedly as the last of the guests were taken to police cars. He placed a hand on his hip, glancing at Tatsuya next to him.

Tatsuya took one look back towards the police cars, once look back at the cane, and then finally brought his eyes up to meet Yasu's.

"Wh...who did it?"

Yasu just smiled. "I did. In the hall, with the revolver." He reached out and gave Tatsuya's shoulder a reassuring shake. "And I don't know about you, but I'm gonna head on home and sleep with my wife." He laughed to himself before walking away, perfectly content.


End file.
